Integrated TOEFL essay; Unexpected effects

Please, check my integrated writing essay and correct grammar mistakes. Thank you in advance :)

In this set of materials, the reading passage discusses the concept of unexpected effects or, in academic language, unintended consequences of anybody's decisions, and the listening passage adds to the ideas in the article by offering the detailed example of realization of the theory of unintended consequences.

First of all, in the reading passage, the author brings up the idea that unexpected effects can be of both positive and negative nature. The evidence of this is the fact that town council's decision to proscribe vehicles from downtown area can have positive and negative implications as well. Obviously, the decision mentioned above can favorably influence inhabitants' health. However, this decision can make people to change the place of their work.

Moreover, the lecturer discuses another example of unintended consequences. He describes situation when government made decision to boost municipal budget by increasing taxes. The lecturer states that this will cause some negative effects. For instance, people will spend less money and consumer less goods. In result, companies that produce these goods will fire employees and the so people will pay no taxes at all.

consume


in conclusion

First and admin request - You should open new threads for all TOEFL essays in Writing Feedback forum. Also, have a more meaningful title in the subject field.

Overall, I find this as a poor attempt. Your introduction does not introduce the topic and the positions that the reading passage and the lecturer takes in a clear manner. I find it is crowded with verbosity. Make clear statements as to what the reading passage deals with and then what position the lecturer takes on it.


The reading passage discusses the unintended consequences of a person's decisions. The lecturer further elaborates on those consequences by offering detailed examples.