Essay about international aid should not be given to the poor countries in the world - IELTS task 2

Mr. Holt, please let me know if this essay is better. Do I have any mistake?
I have tried to make it shorter as your advice. Do I have any mistakes in transition sentences?

Many people think that countries have a moral obligation to help each other while other argue that the aid money is misspent by the governments that receive it, so the international aid should not be given to the poor countries in the world.

Discuss the two views of international aid and give your opinion

Funding for poor nations is increasing rapidly in the world. Many people claim that these countries should not be given any aid from global groups since the authorities misuse it, while others disagree with this idea. However, I believe that countries in the world have to assist them.

Due to the global improvement, international organizations should provide financial support to poor countries, lack of which may cause the improving speed of the world slower. The benefit of reducing HIV disease of African nations exemplifies this point. After receiving aids, those nations have tackled problems effectively, which leads to decrease the burden on this world and makes humans' lives better. However, assistances cannot achieve the good results as international groups' expectations if politicians in those undeveloped nations use the resources inefficiently

Most poor nations normally misuse financial aids for the wrong purposes since they do not have the professional ability of resource management. For example, the starvation in Africa is continuing, which cannot help African countries become developing ones. The politicians spend the universal aids on investing in weapons instead of anti-poverty programs. As a result, international groups need to have suitable solutions to minimize this negative effect

In my opinion, I think whether or not global groups should provide undeveloped countries with financial support depends on the instruction of using that resource. I believe that once knowing these strategies, countries will not waste money on other purposes. Therefore, these groups need to set requirements such as the steps of implementation, the project's target and the expected results besides the assistance.

In summary, although misspending the fund from poor nations is a negative view of international aid, these countries still need support due to the global development. Therefore, it is necessary to take appropriate measures for this issue.

Okay, you misunderstood the prompt. The topic was about aid that rich countries give the poor countries to help them deal with certain financial situations in their country. There is no indication that international groups in the original prompt. Remember, if it isn't in the original discussion, you should not include it in the restatement or anywhere in your discussion. That leads to a prompt change on your part, which could result in your essay failing the test. Always make sure to use alternative words that still identify the original term. So countries could be identified as nations, region, states, and so on and so forth. When you said global groups, you automatically changed the keyword reference in the essay. Avoid doing that.

You actually changed the discussion topic throughout the essay because you changed the aid between countries to aid from international organizations. While there are several different prompts that could refer to the discussion you currently present, it does not erase the fact that the discussion never refers to international organizations. It always refers to aid between countries. Country aid examples are : USA sends money to Africa to help with famine, Australia sends financial aid to Nigeria to aid in poverty alleviation, Canada sends financial aid to Mexico to help combat the drug problem. International organization examples are : The UN sends money to the Mongolia to help with their national development, WFP sends money to help feed the poor in Nigeria. WHO sends money to buy Covid 19 test kits in India. See the difference? You cannot interchange countries for international organizations. This essay will miss the mark and get a failing score. All because your reference points do not properly represent the original keywords.

Let me put it this way; your topic sentence in the first reasoning paragraph is incorrect, but the rest of the reasoning and example points are correct. Rather than international organizations, the reference should have been affluent countries. You have a correct discussion presentation in reasoning paragraph 2. That was relevant to the discussion and well explained. In reasoning paragraph 3, you again missed the topic reference because you said "global groups" when you should have said "well to do countries". Remember, the discussion is not about global groups, it is about helpful countries. Learn to recognize the difference based on the meaning or representation of the original keyword.

While you have grammar issues, the transition was not a problem for you this time. The main problem was the misrepresentation of the original discussion. You swapped countries for global groups and that, made huge difference in the discussion presentation, on the negative side. Work on your English comprehension skills. There are exercises available for that online. In order to properly respond to the essay, you must first, make sure you understand all the discussion requirements.