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International effort has been taking the lead in guiding the space developments on the right track



shin_crayon 1 / -  
Sep 13, 2016   #1
Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extent do you agree with this? How do you think space exploration will change in the future?

Essay:

These days we could have been heard about ground-breaking achievements of space exploration almost every day such as having found water on Mars, new earth-like planets. Many put forth the idea that national pride is the best reward and respect, while others contend that international collaboration is more preferable. To me, I totally agree with the latter and the future of space exploration also is discussed in this essay.

Co-operation between countries plays a vital role in developing space technologies at a breaking neck pace for two below reasons. First of all, greatly contributed and shareable knowledge not only helps scientists avoid squandering valuable time to reinvent the wheel but also puts researchers on the right track to success. Secondly, space experiments always consume a large amount of money, resources and efforts which no individual country, but an international community could afford to pour assets into. Without this collaboration, wasting and lacking of resources is a great hindrance that every individual country must tackle with, which set back the development and success.

On the other hand, a joint development could prevent a space race between superpower nations. During the Cold war period, Eastern and Western Bloc had a tough race for landing astronauts to the Moon which almost pushed the whole world on the brink of new war - the world war 3.

Breakthroughs in material science, the computational power of quantum machines, great achievements in artificial intelligence and the most important warp technology would shape the way humans explore through galaxies in the near future. At that time, we will not only make friends with other species but also new challenging and adventurous horizons await for humans to discover.

In conclusion, international effort has been taking the lead in guiding the space developments on the right track and actualizing our desire to travel through galaxies will be coming soon.

Wolf Larsen - / 109  
Sep 13, 2016   #2
Hello

I think your text will sound much better if you keep the sentences shorter. Some of the phrases appear little awkward (stylistically). I suggest you consider applying the following adjustments to the text:

These days [...] we could have been hearing more about the revolutionary developments taking place in the field of space exploration.
Many put forth [...] people believe that this exploration is driven by national pride, whereas other contend that it is specifically the international collaboration between countries that is being at play, in this respect.

To me, I totally... , and will discuss the idea's validity in my essay.
greatly contributed and [...] no need for this.
no individual country [...]could afford pouring assets into.
tackle with ...
tough race for [...] being first in [...] landing astronauts to on the Moon...
material science [...]you better use some other words - it's not clear what you refer to.
would shape [...] the ways of space exploration in the future.
but also [...] broaden our understanding of space.
will be coming soon [...] you should remove this ending... it appears out of place.

I hope this helped. Regards.


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