IELTS: International Graduations of Canadian Colleges; New Brunswick highest %

The bar graph compares the number of international graduations of Canadian colleges from 2001 to 2006.

Graduate number of each province rose during the five years generally and the highest number in each the two mentioned years, 2001 and 2006, happened on New Brunswick. At almost 7 percent in 2001 and 11% in 2006, the international graduations of New Brunswick university was the highest among the other universities of those provinces in both years. On the other hand, Ontario graduated the lowest number of overseas learners in its college.

Looking more closely at the percentage change between the two years, this was clearly the most marked for British Columbia's international graduations. Overseas students who completed their study in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, and British Columbia experienced between 20% and 60% lower in 2001 than in 2006, which means that the three greatest level of quantity improvement took place in these provinces. Meanwhile, Alberta experienced degradation number of its international graduations. In addition, the colleges in Manitoba and Newfoundland and Labrador awarded degree to the same number of their international students over that period.

Overall, those universities in 2006 produce more international graduations than their counterpart in 2001.

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In para 2, I see you emphasized these areas:


and


In para 3, you too wrote these:


and


Let me give a few edits from those areas mentioned:
The province of New Brunswick was of the highest international graduates, but Ontario in 2001 and Alberta in 2006 were the lowest of all. Likewise, the university graduates were those who studied in New Brunswick province, which made up a sizeable proportion.

The sentence I write can be put anywhere as to how the key trends could be improved, called a succinct explanation.

I think "university" and "college" are not interchangeable.


Ontario had the lowest percentage of international graduates in 2001. Despite increasing to 6% five years later, it remained quite low compared to other universities.


Meanwhile, British Columbia university experienced the most remarkable change, whose proportion in 2006 more than doubled its 2001 level.


Alberta was the only province to witness a fall in the percentage of foreign graduates.


With the exception of Alberta, there was a rise in the percentages of international graduates in all other universities during the period.