supporting growing nations
Developing countries require international organization help. Some people prefer financial aid while others think practical aid and advice are better.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There is a large number of developing nations in the world that are in need of global organizations' assistance. While some people believe that financial support is the cornerstone for an economic growth, others rely more on practical help and valuable recommendations. In my opinion, I consider financial resources to be of better support for third world countries.
On the one hand, it is commonly believed that getting loans from such international organizations as the World Bank or the United Nations would not only stabilize countries' national economy, but also contribute into tackling the extreme poverty observed there, and I highly support this idea. Consequently, both national industries and service spheres, such as education and healthcare, would be able to remain stable while providing people with more working places. Furthermore, that would allow countries in economic recession to remain their independence, whereas, being forced to increase funds they may even trade their own land. For instance, the Russian Federation had no other choice but to auction Alaska off to the United States in order to avoid its economic collapse.
On the other hand, providing people with direct help and recommendations would be more beneficial for third world countries as that implies visible and immediate result, according to some. Although money can solve a great number of problems, some urgent issues require acting without delay. Top priorities like immunization, water sanitation and hygiene, deficient children nutrition demand personal involvement of specially trained professionals.
In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that supporting growing nations with financial assistance can drastically increase their chances to combat existing problems.
I think your arguments are strong, but I think they could be more compelling if your structure was different. Maybe start with the side you do not agree with, then expose its fault and end with the argument you support. It will make your supporting argument stronger and the last thing the reader is left with.
Avoid using there is/are (
there is a large number
Start with others' opinion in paragraph 2 then yours in paragraph 3
Try to use qualifiers to add a strong argument to your point of view and weaken the other side
For example : more / less beneficial
May might could can
Extremely beneficial / might be advantageous .. etc
I think since the prompt asked you to discuss both views, you should state your opinion in each views paragraph instead of stating that in the opening paragraph. What view you prefer more should be in the conclusion, to support what you have written.
Note :I'm not an expert or a native speaker
is are a large number ...>> the phrase 'a number of'' is used with plural nouns,so the verb should be plural. Unlike this expression: 'the number of ', which is singular: the number of people is ....
Regarding your essay structure: you have to start first with the opposite argument (which is here in paragraph 3), then state your argument in the 3rd paragraph ( it's better also to refute the opposite one i.e to state your reasons why financial aid is better AND why practical aid is not.)
TRY to keep balance between your paragraphs' length >>pragraph 3 needs more extension.
Hi there, I have some opinions about your essays. Hopefully, It helps.
Your writing appeared to have had minor grammar issues; however, there are some mistakes that you could avoid when proofreading, such as:
an economic growth => the article "an" may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun "growth"
- ...immunization, water sanitation, and hygiene
- Avoid using "There is/there are" to begin a sentence.
You seemingly used too many cohesive devices. For instance, in the 1st body paragraph, you put cohesive devices in each sentence which made your essay unnaturally. Your writing does not answer the prompt completely, and your opinion in each section is quite unclear. I suggest stating your opinion, support why did you agree or did not agree with the views in a separated paragraph.
Your conclusion is too short and does not summarize the main idea of your essay as well.