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IELTS essay. International music vs traditional ('music is vital to us')


May 12, 2012   #1
Hello Everybody,

I am a freshman and just begin my preparation for IELTS. I have serious difficulties with essay writing and hope that you will help me with checking, evaluating and with your comments.

Thank you very much in advance,
Kh.

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Music is one of the most popular types of art which was invented by mankind. Jazz, soul, pop, rock, classics is far from the full list of types of international music that can be heard everywhere today and traditional music which is playing on national music instruments by native musician in traditional manner. I believe that both international and traditional music are important and reflect person's mood, personality and experience.

International music is one of the ways to globalization. It helps us to learn other culture, language and life-style. Also, depending to the style, such music can help to relax, relieve the stress or vice versa to gain the strength and stay in tonus. Personally, international music is kind of meditation which help me to forget my every daily routine and come into the world of fantasy of the compositions author.

Traditional music is the legacy of the nation, such as language, national clothes and customs. Once composed, that kind of music is handed down from generation to generation while gaining only insignificant changes. It keeps the story of the past of nation for descendants and it is extremely important to save traditional music as a precisions stone in jewellery box of the nation.

In conclusion, music is a vital part of our lives. It can relive us from sorrow and fill us with energy, it helps us to exchange our cultures and learn other languages, it keeps history of past generations and assist us to learn other people experience in easy and pleasant way.

May 13, 2012   #2
Hi Khumayra, firstly nice to meet you and the same position i have also, however yours is very attractive.
May 15, 2012   #4
You have good writing style. But it seems to me a bit off-topic.
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

"why do we need music?"
You're supposed to give reasons why we need music. I suggest you write one paragraph for this. Here, you don't need to clarify differences between international music and traditional one yet.

Is the traditional music more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Which is more important in your point of view? If both are important to some extent equally, give reasons and make sure you write your opinion in conclusion. The statement is not asking whether you agree or disagree, but it's a question so you MUST respond well and convince the examiner why you think so.

In IELTS, introduction and conclusion paragraphs are very important because if you have written excellent intro, it's going draw a lot of attention from examiner. Same goes to conclusion part.
May 15, 2012   #5
hi guys, im having problem with this exact topic. The problem is, how to write the opening, i mean, its easy to write an opening without mentioning "why do we need music?", how can i get both this question and "traditional vs international music" into one opening paragraph?? thanks in advance!
May 15, 2012   #6
PHYU,

Thank you very much for your feedback. I will try to revise my essay and do it more meaningful.
May 15, 2012   #7
It is great job to open Ielts essays forum
But I would like to suggest a sort of categorization into general and academic sessions please
In all circumstances your job is great
May 15, 2012   #8
Hadi Hanouneh,

Thank you for your comment, I am preparing for academic IELTS, but how to do such session?


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