IELTS writing-international organisations should provide poor countries

Topic:International organisations should provide poor countries with technology and practical advice rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely common that international organisations offer more and more aids to poor countries in different forms of technological, educational advice as well as direct financial support. These efforts come up with a question: which types of aids should be provided by the international organizations to help the poor country better? In my opinion, a instant financial support is more immediate and efficient to solve this problem.

Numerous evidents has been proved that those who suffer from the poverty, starvation and illness would definetely need money to improve their poor living conditions. To start with, it is so hard to image those starving children can acquire knowledge in the classroom happily or those living around the horrible sanitation environment can learn new technology willingly. So, the continual direct financial aids are very essential, like the blood of our body, to the poor countries. In addition, besides the direct fortune support, the supplement of food and medicine are also fundamental to those countries in poverty.

Admittedly, it is well known that science and technology are the cornerstones concerning the sustainable development of any countries. Since the knowledge is the power, the introduction of technologies and talents into poor countries is dispensable only if their citizens are able to live on a basic level. In addition, international organizations should help the teachers in poor countries to improve their teaching skills since the education is close related to the future of the country .Probably the most importantly ,the technology of environmental protection should also be taught to the government of the poor countries because the environment condition is of great significant to the ecological soundness of the country.

To sum up, the poor countries need urgently the finical aids of the international organizations. However, once their citizens can remain a basic living, the technology and practical aids should be necessaries.

I try to add some examples or do some sentence transformation, but it seems difficult to me
Also, the use of connective ...Please give me some revising advice,welcome any comments

Last paragraph,
Urgently Finical aids =financial aids or urgent financial aids

Thanks for your essay.
In my opinion,financial aid is not necessary the best way to help poor countries because billions of dollars of aid often goes missing into corrupt goverments of inefficient administration.It is so far to get poor people.So technology advice is better way ,even it takes more time.

To deepakbaniya

Thanks for your generous with your time
You indeed helped me a lot.I just realized how much i love to use the phrase" since" or "cause"
Though i have a question that in the"agree or disagree" essay, whether the answer like"both sides are worthy to be supported" is acceptable

To chucnt

Thanks.That's a good point

The introduction was great and I liked it. I think this sentence, that I quoted above, is also good for expressing your idea. I think it would be better to add the reasons why you think like that. Note: If you want to add the reasons, you should write them through several words and do not explain them. For instance you can add this sentence :"...because of poverty and education issues."

Hope this helps.

Regards
Ahmad

I agree with Mr. Zafari. It requires to either agree or disagree with the statement. Being indecisive or taking both side is not a good option.

But, sometimes it is not easy to support one side completely and unable to gather enough points for opposite side for an essay. In such dilemma, you can elaborate advantage and disadvantage of each situation in two or three different paragraphs ( after Introduction paragraph) and conclude with your preference ( agree or disagree) weighing disadvantage and advantages . it is good to include a suitable discription or comparision sentence with agreement or disagreement.

Still, taking one side is the best option.


madan,
Start your one thread for the review. There is "New Thread" button on top left side of the EF homepage. Click on it, provide suitable subject line, post your essay.