IELTS: International Tourism - TENSION or UNDERSTANDING?

Topic: Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures.
To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

There is an undeniable increase in international tourism while travelling is not as expensive as it used to be when it is compared to the past. Tourism hereby has become and effective connection between different people and cultures instead of a limited number of exceptional events which creates tension between people.

Firstly, tourism is one of the major source of incomes for nations' economy. Tourists pay for main needs such as accomodation and food. Also, they have to pay an amount of money in order to attend several activities. In spite of this, they have the opportunity to meet mew people from different cultures and learn about the history of the place and locals' lifesyle. Moreover, it is a very effective way of advertising if a good impression is made on the people who visited the country. They herebey will tell others about their experiences and help them get rid of the prejudgements.

On the other hand, in some cases it may have an opposite affect between people of different cultures. In 1998, a Swedish couple was attacked by locals when they were in ( X ) and one of them was killed, unfortunately. This event has created a tension between people of these nations, just after it was published at the press. However, it did not affect the tourism between those countries as much as it was predicted.

In conlusion, I believe that tourism is still the most effective way to learn about different type of people and cultures instead of searching through internet and television.

I just checked my essay. I am giving a supportive example and cutting it there. Like jumping from one subject to another. I get it but I cant fix it : )

There is an undeniable increase in international tourism because travelling is not as expensive as it used to be when it is compared to the past .

That last phrase is redundant, which is why I struck it.

Tourism t hereby has become an effective connection between different people and cultures instead of a limited number of exceptional events which creates tension between people.

I don't understand the part in italics.

Your second paragraph is strong, the third less so. Obviously, it would have been good if you could have remembered which country in which the incident occurred.

Overall, the essay is somewhat too slight. Perhaps, in addition to referring to that one incident, you could have stated some other ways that tourism can lead to trouble. For example, local people often resent tourists who trample their ecosystems and stare at them like curiosities rather than making a genuine effort to connect. You might wonder if, in the context of tourism as it is usually practiced, it really is possible for people to connect.

"limited number of exceptional events which creates tension between people."
I mean an event I gave as an example. Honestly, I just tried to make an impressive sentences : ) I should have kept that sentence short to not to make a big error.

And, having taken Simone's suggestion, you then need to come up with a counter to the argument, assuming you are sticking with the thesis you currently have. So, you might argue that in fact the amount of effort places put into attracting tourism would seem to indicate that the people who live there recognize that the benefits of living in a tourist spot outweigh the disadvantages.

Aren't you suppose to stick with only one opinion? I don't know about IELTS but with TOEFL you only have to mention one side. In your second body paragraph you suddenly metioned one possible side effect of tourism, which i assume counters with your previous arugment that "Tourism thereby has become and effective connection between different people and cultures". If IELTS allows it, just stick with it, though i don't think it is necessary to mention negative effects.

In writing these simple English proficiency essays, I do think it's a good idea to stick with one side of the question and argue it well. If you do raise the alternative opinion (perhaps because your own opinion is mixed), do this in the fourth paragraph, after making two good arguments in favor of the main opinion and also be sure, in your introduction and conclusion to use a thesis statement that reflects your mixed opinion.

Yes, it is much easier to write these sorts of essays if you stick to one side or the other. If the counterarguments are raised at all, it should be to say how they are wrong. This can be useful if the author is having trouble coming up with sufficient reasons and examples to back up his or her point, since in responding to the opposing point of view, one can often come up with new points in defense of one's own position.

Actually, I am struggling with coming up strong arguments. After I finish the first body paragraph I feel like I run out of arguments and spend a long time to start the second paragraph and come up with a weak argument.

Again, the key is to brainstorm your arguments before you begin to write. Just spend a moment brainstorming until you have enough arguments. Then sketch an outline of the order in which you will present them. Then begin to write.

And when brainstorming, write down both the pro and the con arguments that occur to you. You may find it easier to construct a case for the side you disagree with, in which case go right ahead -- the essay doesn't have to be a reflection of your actual beliefs. If you don't have enough arguments for either side, then look at the opposing arguments and see if a response to one of them might become an argument for your side.