International and traditional music should be treasured and respected equally.

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic:
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

There is little room to doubt that music has been playing a privotal role in our daily lives.However, the debate over whether traditional music is superior to international music has long been in question and worldwide music lovers are deeply divided over this controversy. This essay will elaborate on these aforementioned issues.

First of all,music is the food of our souls.It provides tired minds with a healthy entertainment and opens a way for us to escape from all the hustle and bustle of lives. Nowadays people can't live without music.It's such a magic pill to cure bad moods and heal emotional wounds. Secondly, music can be a stimulus to encourage us to go through the ups and downs of lives. In addition, there are meaningful songs that teach invaluable life lessons and speak up for things that words are unable to describe.

Turning to which kind of music is more essential. I am convinced that although traditional music should be preserved as national belongings, mordern music also plays a significant part in bettering our lives. On the one hand, traditional music represents for a region's identity as it undergoes momentus changes in one's history.Traditional music also contributes a great deal in passiong down cutural heritages to the next generations and helps buit their pride in their mother country's uniqueness.On the other hand, international music brings worldwide citizens closer as through music, mutual understandings and friendship can be attained across cutures and global peace is also developed.

To sum up,music has had a fundamental impact on man kind since the begining of our story and each kinds of music has its own merits which I believe should be treasured and respected equally.

.... I cannot find any relevance of this sentence to your topic or the rest of the essay you have written. What's your point in having this line?


.... hey... here you are telling the opposite of what you've stated above ... did you mean that "there is no doubt" ? (above line)

.... If you are preparing for TOEFL or IELTS, it's important that you include more specific examples to back your reasons. In this paragraph you have several reasons, but I don't find specific examples.

This is a yes/no question.

You've hinted at the answer toward the end of your essay, but you haven't elaborated on it.

YES or NO and WHY

Thank you very much for your comments! I really appriciate your help.

As others suggest above you need to attend to your essay structure. Let me comment on some thing else that I noticed in your essay;

... your reason here is that music is a great way to relieve stress and it's a great mood fixer.This is a good answer for "why do we need music?" However, in this paragraph you keep saying the same idea over and over again in different forms that makes the reader tired. So, limit your reason to one or two lines (max) and then support it with a good example.

hi. Try to increase the number of words. Its just 333 words.