How the Internet affect one's critical thinking?

Hello, there. I am currently preparing my IELTS writing exam, but I am lack of skills of elaboration, and I am practicing on it. Would you please help me check if the paragraph good to convince others, is the logic right? Many thanks!

How the Internet affect one's critical thinking?

There are always fake news on the internet which may have negative impacts on one's critical thinking. It is because the government cannot supervise and monitor what people are posting online every moument. This allows people to post things online freely, whatever they want to express, thereby, some of the information they posted in public may be exaggerated the details of which is not true and involve some personal emotions, which would be the negative feelings like hate and jealousy, and convince people to believe it is true. For example, during the pandemic, some people refused to wearing masks because they personally do not prefer it, and they make up with some harmful effects led by wearing masks, or worse cause asphyxiation, and post them online; but in fact, wearing mask does reduce the risk of getting infection of the Covid-19. Spreading those kinds of information can manipulate people feelings and views, which would make them cannot judge and criticize things based on truth or without emotions, because, as human being, we cannot avoid to get influences from others. Thus, the result would be reduction of the individual ability of critical thinking because of manipulation from the internet.

The reasoning is good. The evidence presented is based on public knowledge, the slant supports a clear opinion. The work is acceptable and on point in support of a clear opinion coming from the writer. However, you tend to overwrite in your sentences, which lessens the clarity and discussion focus. Keeping the sentences concise will help you avoid doing that. The formation of your sentences also need some work because the words used are sometimes incomplete or incorrect in the sentence. However, these do not lessen the understanding of the work. You still manage to avoid confusing your reader so your GRA deductions will be less as well. That is not to say that you should not try to write perfect English sentences because you should. That is one of the aims of this test, to see how well you use the English language in explaining your thoughts even though it is only your second language.

If this is for IELTS writing task 2, then it's under the word count. Please make sure you exceed the word count provided otherwise it can cost you points.

While the point made is reasonable, the sentences tend to be quite long. Please make sure to vary your sentence lengths throughout the essay. Your work has good clarification and reflects your stand on the provided prompt quite well. However you can improve more on the clarity though, by using proper vocabularies in the given contexts. There are some grammatical errors such as, 'some of the information they posted in public may be exaggerated the details of which is not true', should be 'some of the information they post in public may have exaggerated details which are not true'. Another one is 'we cannot avoid to get influences from others', which should be 'we cannot avoid to get influenced by others'.

Other than that, it's a good piece of writing for me.

@Wingw

Your structure is pretty clear and easy to read: Introduction - Example - Conclusion. However, it would be better if you separate them by paragraphs. Using paragraphs increases your band score because it'll be easier to read, and the message you're trying to convey is clearer.

Also, your band score can also increase if you use personal statements such as "I believe", "In my opinion", "In my experience", etc. instead of taking the general opinion.

I also agree with @kaching00, some sentences can run on too long.


This can be divided into 3 sentences within a paragraph.

Lastly, word processing tools can be useful tools to correct typos and grammatical errors. I often use them to learn how to correctly type certain words and phrases.

Good luck!