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IELTS - The internet allows people to communicate with one another more easily



nam1022002 1 / 1  
Aug 28, 2018   #1
I am improving my writing skills to 6.5. So I wrote this essay and I hope to receive comments about it. Thanks for all the advices!

Internet is like a magic box



Some people say that the internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?

Internet is like a magic box because it has everything you want. It is also believed that the internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. I agree that communication among people is much easier now because of this wonderful tool.

In the past, when we have not had the internet yet, we kept in touch with family, friends and so on by letters or landline phones. Because of that, we had wasted lots of time just to write letters, send them and then receive the replies. However, at the moment, sending messages only takes a few second, either it can be form of an email or messages of some applications of the smartphone. We can send and receive messages straightway. Mentioning to landline phones, we all know how inconvenient they are because we can't bring them with us out of the house, they are not hand-carried. In addition, we also have to pay for telephone charges and can only talk to one person at a time. It makes the internet even better, communication has become cheaper, more convenient and more effective.

As it is a reality that benefits and limitations are like both sides of a coin, which usually run parallel. Therefore, like other things, the internet also has downsides. People are facing a lot of health problems like myopic, scoliosis, migrane and so on. Today's teenagers tend to spend their time on the internet than do other physical activities, it is why the number of teenagers suffering from the above diseases is increasing.

To conclude, the internet has become an integral part of our lives, especially in communication. However, we should control the amount of time we spend on the internet to avoid diseases.

smally01 9 / 34  
Aug 29, 2018   #2
Hi @nam1022002, hope that I can help.

From the question you posted it seem that it is a kind of agree/disagree question. So I guess it would expecting you to choose either side with reasoning and supporting statement. From your introduction paragraph you already stated your POV so I guess you do not have to say anything bad on the internet if you are "agree" the internet make communication between people earlier than ever.

Now you essay seems the one that to discuss both the views, which I am afraid it might affect your scoring on the Task Respond.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15344  
Aug 29, 2018   #3
Nguyen, this is an extent essay so you cannot simply agree with the statement. This is not a yes or no question. You need to indicate an emotion such as "completely, totally, strongly, or partially" to indicate the "extent" of your (dis)agreement. Now, while you seem to indicate an agreement with the statement, even without the extent part properly responded to, your overall discussion in the body of paragraphs is faulty.

Since you did not indicate a "partial" agreement with the statement, you did not leave any opportunity for you to discuss both points of view in the essay. Only a "partial" agreement / disagreement with the statement can discuss both points of view. When you indicate a one sided response to the discussion question, then the overall defensive / supporting discussion should be solely from one point of view. The point of view that you agreed to support in the statement.

That said, your essay will be considered only partially responsive to the task and will receive a score only for the portions that support your point of view in the essay. That will be bad for your overall score because you will not be scoring highly in the overall portion due to additional errors in the remaining scoring considerations.


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