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Intro for my essay about army lowing its standards. Sound good so far?


sgc88 1 / -  
Mar 23, 2009   #1
This is my first time in this forum so i thought id see how it works by putting up the intro i have for my next essay in my english class critical thinking. Tell me what you think

Ever since the year 2003 when the U.S. invaded Iraq the army has been faced with a major dilemma. The Army hasn't been able to recruit enough soldiers as they need; According to USA Today the army hasn't missed its recruiting quota by this much since the cold war in the year 1979. It's important for the army to meet its quota because they have to replace the soldiers whose serving terms are ending and the ones that are dying fighting to defend our country. The way the Army is dealing with this dilemma is by lowering its qualifications, giving opportunity to people who wanted to join before but couldn't because they didn't meet the original standards.

zowzow 10 / 175  
Mar 24, 2009   #2
pretty solid. just a small grammer errors

.S. invaded Iraq, the army has been

The Army hasn't been able to recruit enough soldiers as they need and according to USA Today the army hasn't missed its recruiting quota by this much since the cold war in the year 1979

the ; should not be followed by a capital letter. I think this sentence is better used with an "and" but its just my personal opinion.

It is important for the
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Mar 24, 2009   #3
Another way to fix the error near that semi-colon is to just keep it the same and use a lower case "a" in this:

...as they need; according to USA Today the Army hasn't...

Now, it is looking good, but what is your thesis statement? Is this going to be about the fact that you think the Army should NOT lower its standards? If so, give a strong statement to that effect at the end of this paragraph, and make sure it includes a main reason or concept that makes you feel that way.

However, if this is just an expository essay about the fact that standards are being lowered, you should add a sentence at the end of that first paragraph that lists the ways that standards are being lowered, so that the reader knows what to expect when reading the rest of the essay.

Good luck!!


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