My intro paragraph: a cause and effect essay on getting my first hamster

Hi, I am Lysa and I am doing a cause and effect essay on my first hamster, Maskious. I was wondering if my intro paragraph was good so far.

In the sixth grade, all my friend Lauren could talk about was her pet hamster. She would talk about how cute she was and how she would bite people she did not get along with, like her twin sister. She had a dwarf hamster, a hamster known for biting people because it is small, like a Chihuahua biting because it feels fearless and superior to us humans. Around my eleventh birthday I asked my mom if I could get a hamster. She said yes, so a little before my birthday and she took me to Gaiser Pets to pick one out . The one that I chose was white and had black patterns on his body. One pattern got to me, which is the reason I chose him. He had the pattern of a raccoon. Since it appealed to me so much I even named him Maskious. Through the two years I had Maskious, he has taught me many things. One thing was that animals need a lot of care and attention. Another thing was that like humans, hamsters have feelings and are loyal when treated very well.

If this paragraph could be improved, please let me know how. I WILL return the favor of trying to help anyone out with their essay(s).

according to me,the introduction is not so striking.
"Around my eleventh birthday I asked my mom if I could get a hamster. She said yes, so a little before my birthday and she took me to Gaiser Pets to pick one out . "

i would advise you to change the sentence structure and use a more flourishing language.
also, try to write a little on what interested you in hamsters. focus on the subject on whicg you are writing.limit yourself to things that are close in time.

All the "she" in this sentence is confusing and distracting:
She would talk about how cute she was and how she would bite people she did not get along with, like her twin sister.
She would talk about how cute she the little creature was and how it would bite people she did not get along with, like her Lauren's twin sister.

Hagertis and yuvly, this is a great thread because of you. Thanks!!

Take out the part about it looking like a raccoon. The paragraph needs to be about one solid idea. This paragraph is about your friend causing you to become interested in having a hamster. You can describe what it looks like in a body paragraph.

End this paragraph with a sentence like this: Because of my friend's influence, I became the owner of a pet that taught me two important things: animals need a lot of care and attention; like humans, hamsters have feelings and are loyal when treated very well.

paragraph 2:
Around my eleventh birthday I asked my mom if I could get a hamster. She said yes, so a little before my birthday and she took me to Gaiser Pets to pick one out . The one that I chose was white and had black patterns on his body. One pattern got to me, which is the reason I chose him. He had the pattern of a raccoon. Since it appealed to me so much I even named him Maskious...

:-)

Thank you for your help everybody! My professor said my essay was a lot better!