improve the existing public transportation before developing fast trains
Dear sir and miss, is it possible for me to get 6.5 from this essay ? or what should I have to improve to get to my target. Thank you.
Question: In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Answer : From thousand of years, transportation is an important role in human's life. Therefore, there are some debates whereas the government spend a large amount of money to build fast trains which connect two cities or improve existing public transport. From my perspective, I belives that the benefit by improving existing public outweigh fast trains.
To start with improving existing public is a realistic way for the government to give back and respond to the community. As we know, people commute by public transportation on a regular basic. Developing public transportation, in other words, it means upgrades the condition of subway, buses which gives more comfortable for society. For example, as a Canadian student, I am satisfied with the bus system because it has a multitude of buses and bus stops to accomplish the best way for me.
Another reason is public transportation tackles some issue problems such as traffic jam, overconsuming exhaust fume. Due to the numerous of people which the subway and bus carry like more 100 people and 20 people respectively, it reduces private cars are used . For this purpose, the government should expand it to attract more people to transport in this eco-friendly routine. This can be seen if more people go to work and school by bus, more cars which release exhaust fume will be reduced.
On the other hand, fast-train between two cities have a positive impact on the tourist economy. Because of the convenience by train like beautiful landscapes, less noise, most visitors choose this to travel. Thus, building new fast-trains to link two cities will obtain a multitude of money and contribute to the tourist image of the country in the world by promoting new tourist vehicles. To illustrate, Canadian tourist companies have the program travel 4 days in the train from Toronto to Vancouver which has more than 1000 people interested in each summer.
In conclusion, improving existing public transportation protects the environment and provides an efficient routine to commute while a massive amount of money could be invested by building fast trains. I strongly agree that the government must pay attention to improve the existing public transportation before developing fast trains.Hi, your writing is enjoyable to read but some suggestions are as follows:
1. A few grammatical corrections:
1) ... transportation is holds/plays an important ...
2) ... on a regular basis. ("Basic" is an adjective while "basis" is a noun.)
3) ... in other words, it means.... ("Is" should be deleted because the sentence already has a subject, "Developing public transportation". )
2. To make essays objective, avoid reference to personal experience and phrases such as "As we know" in academic writings.
3. If I were you, I would explain more why the benefit of improving existing public transportation overweights that of developing super fast trains.
For example:
1) most people use trams and buses much more frequently than they take trains. So improving existing public transportation would benefit local community more.
2) Upgrading existing public transport is less expensive than building high-tech trains. Thus with the same amount of money, improving existing public transport would have a greater effect.
