Investing more on railways means investing in a safer future for us and our children

IELTS Task 2. Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Roads vs railways investment

Write at least 250 words.

We live in an age where many of us want a driving licence or already have one and coming with that we also want a private vehicle for commuting and pleasure. But looking at the human population is significantly raising, peoples requirements are increasing too. I will rather agree that the governments should invest more on railways and below I will give reasons to support my position.

First of all it is safer to commute by train than on road or highways. As we can see in TV and magazines, so many accidents happens day by day, yet on railway it is not often to happen. Second of all, avoiding congestion and traffic jam which causes stress and tiredness which does not contributes to our well being, therefore the roads remain clear for any emergencies and also saving land and prevent deforestation which contribute to our heath.

Another point worth noting is that we have more time for ourselves. When I travel to work and way back home, I see students reading and revising their homework. But not only them, also people relax themselves by reading a magazine or just listening to music after a long day working. I agree that we can listen to music while driving but also you have to pay attention on road and any hazards that may occur.

To summarise if governments should spend more money on railways rather then roads divides opinion but my point of view is that by investing more on railways means investing in a safer future for us and our children.

Anna, I believe that the overall score for your essay should fall within the passing range of 5. You came up with an essay of an adequate length that shows how you tried to display more complex sentences and also increased vocabulary. While you sometimes failed to accurately present your thought process in paragraph 2, which caused a certain degree of stress for the reader, most of the intentions that you had for the paragraphs were clear enough to be understood. It is actually the second paragraph that resulted in a lower score for your essay because the discussion you presented was not coherently presented. There were some grammar and sentence structure errors as well that definitely contributed to the confusing discussion in paragraph 2. It should be noted though, that you presented a pretty convincing discussion in the parts where the reader could somehow make out what you are saying with less stress than the other points of the essay. That is why you managed to get a 5, in my opinion, for this essay.

Thanks for your advice @Holt