Investing in schools and teachers or supplying computers and Internet access? IELTS2

How to Improve Access to Education

Question:
In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Answer:
People have different views about whether investing in schools and teachers or supplying computers and Internet access should be taken to shorten the distance to education for children in rural areas. Personally, I side with the view that the latter is more affordable to achieve education for students in remote areas.

There are various reasons why people believe that schools and teachers should be the focus to resolve the problem. They may assert that the insufficient teacher distribution in rural states causes the lack of instructors who help students go through the curriculum. When a teacher have to take care more students in a class, especially in a multi-grade class, students' learning outcomes would not meet expectation due to the fact that they have less chance for asking and communicating. In addition, the modest number of schools in a certain area is a factor that could give influences on home-school distance, which is likely the most burden preventing children from entering schools.

In spite of these arguments, I believe that being equipped with computers and stable Internet connection should be considered as demanding action to solve this issue. Children can take any material or course present in traditional format via Internet, so that they were given the resources to take charge of their own learning while teachers play a role as facilitators. This student-oriented, active learning approach might help to alleviate the burden on teachers, as well as students can keep their own pace and level. As a result, children in remote areas not only have instant access to well-prepared educational program via online platform, but also can update latest knowledge as their peers in better-staffed urban schools.

In conclusion, although infrastructure and human resources might be the target to improve for better education in disadvantaged areas, I personally prefer the innovative in which students have computers to gain knowledge from the Internet no matter what the circumstances.

Hello!

I would recommend changing your first paragraph. First, it is only two sentences. While not bad, the sentences are long. Try breaking the first sentence apart and stating that there are different views, what they are, and then lead into what you believe. Short and concise is great, so try summarizing the information. I would also recommend adding a hook. The paragraph is boring and I didn't want to continue reading. I hope this helped a bit!

Minh, your opening paragraph is short by one sentence because you failed to indicate the instruction for the discussion in your paraphrase. That is an integral part of the prompt paraphrase. You cannot just indicate the two points of view and topic for discussion, you also need to tell the reader how the reasoning paragraphs will be presented. So, you lack the following reference:

I will be studying these two points of view in this essay so that I can offer my personal opinion of the discussion topic.

Your actual discussion was off to a good start with your representation of the public point of view. The problem is that you only discussed one instead of 2 points of view before presenting your own opinion. This is a 3 reasoning paragraph essay that should state your personal point of view in the third paragraph, as an analysis of the two discussion points.

The concluding paraphrase should have only been a summary of the reasoning discussions. It should not have continued the discussion as you did in this essay. You were not able to properly close the essay so your essay will be considered open ended and be scored accordingly. You made a mistake in that aspect and you should not repeat that again if you want to have a higher score in your next practice test.

@Holt can you have a quick look at this essay below, it just contains 2 paragraph, so do we need up to 3 paragraph while the time is limited only 40 minute. To a new thread.