The investments of many governments in the arts are pointless and should be reallocated elsewhere

wasting money on the arts?

Hi, this is my first attempt to write an IELTS Writing Task 2.
Can someone estimate the band score of this writing please?

Thank you all!

ART TOPIC: Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?

WORD COUNT: 253

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It is thought by some individuals that the investments of many governments in the arts are pointless and should be reallocated to other beneficial sectors. I completely disagree with this point of view.

Arts cultivate a society from the individual level. They have a magical ability to enrich a person's soul with various degrees of enjoyment. These exclusive personal experiences then have the power to evoke one's creativity and may become his/her inspirations and immense life motivation. In fact, an overwhelming majority of Nobel Prize winners share common interests in arts - from playing classical pianos to producing oil paintings in their leisure time. Consequently, it is evident to claim that by encouraging the positive development of arts, countries are educating decent citizens.

On a bigger scale, arts conserve and promote a nation's cultural traditions and heritages. Different forms of artwork together reflect the length of history of society; hence, they are invaluable assets. Even more, with appropriate advertising strategies, a country can promote its unique cultural identity to the world to develop tourism. Every year, millions of K-pop fans travel to Korea to attend concerts and movie-lovers come to see the beauty of the country after watching unforgettable scenes onscreen. Korea has made wise and strong investments into its music and movie industries and the success has been tremendous such that its economy arguably relies on the arts now.

In conclusion, I believe that arts have beneficial influences on a country from different levels and aspects, and should receive adequate financing to support.

You presented solid reasoning paragraphs. Each paragraph has an applicable topic sentence, is well supported by the discussion, and has the convincing power to win over the reader to your side of the discussion. However, you are under representing your writing skills by not writing at least 275 words for this essay. I would like you to practice writing between 275-290 words. This is the magic word count that helps you write the proper number of words to score higher overall.

In this essay, you referenced his/her in the discussion. You should only pick one default gender reference for your presentation. The normally default gender is male for most countries so "his" would have been the more appropriate choice for this discussion. Always be decisive in your references, do not show uncertainty in your presentation as it could affect your grammar range and accuracy score.

The opening paragraph and closing summary should both be composed of 3-5 sentences. That means, you need to divide each discussion point in the presentation. One for each reason. Your final score should be anywhere from a 5.5 to a 6. I base this score on the accuracy of your discussion in relation to the prompt requirement, the errors in sentence presentations, and the development of your discussion points.

In my opinion, I am very interested in your ideas as it very clear, but there are some things to recommend to you:
-It is thought by some individuals that
-and it should receive adequate ...
-your conclusion is too short. Instead of that, you can try to restate the ideas in body paragraphs....