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iPhone 8 Dreaming in Full Swing; ten years' anniversary


faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Dec 1, 2016   #1
There are some rumors that to celebrate iPhone's ten years' anniversary, there are a drastic innovation in iPhone 7 in 2017. This is chance for the companies to increase the number of iPhone that will be sold. For the recent iPhone, that demand actually still peaked, but it not obstructs Apple to make continuous improvement, especially when iPhones has one decades' anniversary.

In their long-term vision, iPhone will make whizbang splash that is proven by their materials of the body. It will be created by using block of glass and aluminum with few buttons, bumps, and holes. They also will take a step forward by adding OLED display that occupy most of the front of phone, even all of it by wrapping over its sides.

Moreover, the screen will be curved with an edge-to-edge screen. Surprisingly, the fingerprint technology is also added in that screen, so both the design and the authentication really developed. Furthermore, their body will be made from glass that enable it to do wireless charging.

So, with this kind of development, there are many rumors that mentioned this kind of developments are too much for iPhone 7, so it may for iPhone 8. As Kevin Krewel said, he suggested to apple for immediately launch the iPhone 8, to keep their position in the marketplaces

Anna94 47 / 56 3  
Dec 1, 2016   #2
Hello,

There are some rumors that (...) anniversary, there are a drastic innovation ...
(It seems like bad repetition in one sentences. It should be better when you reduce one of them, then use a conjuction like 'which or that' )

, but it (does) not obstructs Apple to make (...) when iPhones (you make it plural,so it should be 'have' ) has one decades' anniversary.

much for iPhone 7, so it may (happen ) for iPhone 8

Gluck^^~
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Dec 6, 2016   #3
Three threads in a row, I just hope that this is not considered as breaking the rule of this forum. However, I would still come up with my feedback anyways.

- There are some rumors(is it really 'some'? the article is only about one rumor)that to celebrate iPhone's ten years' anniversary. (stop here, new sentence)Thereareis a drastic innovation in iPhone 7of iPhone franchise in 2017.

- This is a chance for the companiescompany to increase the number of iPhone salesthat will be sold .
- For the recent iPhone, that demand actually still peakedThe latest iPhone demand is actually still at its peak , but it not obstructsdoesn't obstruct Apple to (...), especially when iPhones hasin iPhoneone decades' anniversarya decade celebration/anniversary event .

There are still quite a lot subject-verb agreement issues that need to be fixed in your essay. Try to proofread the rest of your summary by considering the above-mentioned feedback. I hope you will gain some improvements in the next "punishment practice". :)


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