The issue of whether or not people should choose jobs similar to their parents'

Would you please rate this essay?

26:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
"It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents' jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents' job"

Following in a Parent's Footsteps

It is undeniable that we live in a world in which people have to choose a job to earn their livelihoods. The issue of whether or not people should choose jobs similar to their parents' arouses much controversy among people with different backgrounds and perspectives. When it comes to me, I, at least for two reasons, go with those who believe that choosing jobs similar to our parents' jobs is better for us. In what follows, I make my reasons clear.

First of all, going with jobs similar to our parents', we can become professional faster. As parents have been dealing with their jobs for a long time, they are experienced and professional in their jobs. as a result, if we choose a job similar to their jobs, they can teach their knowledge about the job to us and make us professional and experienced very soon. For the purpose of illustration, take my personal experience as an example. Two years ago, when I was seeking for a job, I chose petroleum engineering for my career, which my father is profession in. In this recent two years, I could learn all things regarding my career from my father, and currently, I am the best engineer in the company. If I had not chosen a similar job with my father's, I would have never been professional this soon.

Secondly, going with jobs similar to our parents' jobs prevents us from facing big problems and catastrophes. It goes without saying that in doing any job, we can face with unpredictable problems, which can lead us to become defeated and lose our money. However, by going with a job which our parents know many things about, they can make us aware of those potential problems and suggest good ways to eliminate facing of them. For instance, When I started my job as a petroleum engineer, my father advised me that every two hours I should check the pressure gauges which mounted on top of streamlines. Even though my boss had forgotten to tell me that tip, I did my job perfectly and prevented any problems from occurring.

According to reasons mentioned above, I strongly believe that children should choose jobs that are similar to their parents', because not only can the parents help them to become professional very soon, but also they can eliminate the possibility for occurring any serious problem in our career life.

Word count: 400
@Holt
Is it better than the earlier essay? I am supposed to take my test on Friday, how much is its rate you think?

Saeed, first up, there is absolutely no way that you can write 400+ words during the actual exam. You will only have time to write 300 words at the most and that will even be cutting it close in terms of editing, revising, and finalizing your essay presentation for scoring. Remember, this is a pen and paper test. That alone limits your writing potential during the allotted time frame. Write less words that have more meaning and improves your explanation instead of a long essay. A long essay will not translate to higher scores. That is guaranteed. In fact, long essays more often than not receive low scores due to the tendency to make more grammar mistakes in the presentation.

Take your care for instance. Your paragraphs often lack clarity because you are more focused on the English words you want to use instead of the meaning of the paragraph. You have pronoun usage problems in the essay (e.g. parents' = parents) due to your inability to use the correct plural form of a word. These errors will force the lowering of your overall scoring considerations. The lack of clarity, mistake in pronoun usage, run-on sentences, all of these will combine to pull down your final overall score because you will not score well based on the individual scores for consideration.

My opinion is that this essay is not an improvement over the first essay because you made similar mistakes and this time, filled the essay with run-on sentences, which cannot result in a passing GRA consideration. Neither does this mean that your essays are clear and understandable, which means your essay will not pass the C&C consideration. I will not give this essay a score because that will not help you at this point. Just remember the mistakes I pointed out here, write another essay, make sure you don't make the same mistakes (a third time), then post the new essay as a new thread for another review.

Hopefully we can get you close to being prepared to take the test by Friday. I am willing to work with you on a daily basis, using multiple essay posts (as new threads) until Wednesday. You must take Thursday to rest your mind and relax. Coming into the exam center all scared, stressed-out, and burned out will not help you. I always ask my students to take the day before the exam to rest and relax. That way you come into the exam center refreshed, rested, and ready to take the test.

Hi, I have seen some mistakes in your essay
...... which my father is a profession in
......we can face with ... - > not necessary
Hope this can be helpful!