ISSUE:-think on task rather than worry about result

let your hard work express your success

As the perspective of all people is volatile, some focus on the result and some believe to emphasize on a task they have given.I believe the focus should be on task irrespective of the final result.For the positive outcome, people want to do hard work, so that they will achieve what they want.However, if the people think about only getting success, then maybe they are not able to give out their all strength to work.That means, somewhere in their mind, there might be a fear of failure and that may engender the inefficiency in work.Although this is not a ubiquitous situation, some people might get success by thinking about it, some may not.

There are a lot of examples around us that will definitely substantiate focus should be on work, do not think about the result.As we know the person name Mark Zuckerberg, a young millionaire who developed Facebook.Although he is not well educated, he has done that someone who is virtuous in programming is not able to do. If he had have thought that he is not educated so how can he do it, then Facebook would not be available as a medium of communication. He focussed on aim and not on the result.As a result, he was able to gain his desires.This is the best example I have known and he is an example of those who think that they are not able to do a particular task.

Rather than thinking about results, utilize that time on pursuing your dream.If people started to think about only results, there would not be appreciable development in technology.Earlier day what we think as a utopian task, now it is actually present and we are exploiting it. Thus, doing something irrespective of result might not be helpful to get success, but it will definitely worthy.It will give you experience, get to learn something new.

As a conclusion, emphasize your concentration on work, let your hard work express your success.Do not worry about the result.As we know Edison failed 99 times, that means he got to know that there are 99 ways that are not able to produce light.Thus, failure is actually an experience to do not do a thing that way and try to find another way.In such a way, people get to learn new things.Parochial your thoughts on your task only.

It can be seen that paragraph 1 is too long but paragraph 3 is too short.
This outline might be not reasonable.

Shraddha, it would seem that you are trying to just write a grammar practice essay. There is no clear prompt, there are no required discussion elements. Am I right in assuming that you wrote this essay just for practice? If that is the case then you did not do a very bad job. The worst part of your essay, is the first paragraph. That is because there is no clear thought process involved in your presentation. There are a number of topics presented that could have been the prompt topic. However, you failed to make the actual topic clear until the very end of that paragraph. It is important that you learn how to create a discussion outline for the benefit of your reader, regardless of the number of topics that you hope to discuss within the essay. It would be best if you only outlined one topic for discussion.

In the outline, make the sentiment clear. What is this essay going to be about? How do you plan to discuss it? How many paragraphs do you plan on presenting? Your reader has to be clear from the very start about where this essay starts and how it might or is supposed to end. In this essay, you had a tendency to run long in your paragraphs because you tried to write more words rather than focusing on making yourself understood. You do not need to use complex words that do not help you to make your sentences clearer. You can use simple words, expand on your explanation, and get the same results.

I think the para1 is too long while the para 3 which need to be developed is too short. The conclusion doesn't concern with the topic

As a reader, there is an ambiguty in your essay.Sometimes,it is like you are deviating from a main topic