Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

TOEFL: Which makes more impact on happiness? Job or social life?

massiekur 2 / 3  
Feb 10, 2014   #1
Plz give me as many suggestions as possible! Looking forward to your feedback!
Thank you so much!
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1208 476  
Feb 10, 2014   #2
Hi Massiekur

Plz give me as many suggestions as possible! Looking forward to your feedback!

I think it would be nice if you post your writing right here now, whatever it is. A lot of members will see and read it. Then, I believe there will be many some meaningful feedback, remarkable insights and sincere advice coming to your writing. So, you'd better post it. We are expecting for.

OP massiekur 2 / 3  
Feb 10, 2014   #3
Thank you! I'll do that immediately!
Agree or disagree? Your job will have more effect on your social life does.

Everyone in this world must play several different roles at the same time. A man might be an assistant manager in the workplace and be called as a father when it comes to family life. To many, it is really hard to define which role is more important as happiness is concerned. And from this question you can tell what things are valued the most in life. From what I see, it is one's social life rather than the job that serves as a more influencing factor. I am going to illustrate my point in the following three aspects.

To begin with, the job is more or less boring compared with the social life which could always make our life colorful and lively. Even if you are excited about your job at the beginning, the chances are you will finally get tired of it as time passes by. People who tend to complain about their jobs are everywhere to be found and my parents are just among this group. Regardless of their stable and well-paid jobs, they tend to focus on the things that fail to satisfy them. Therefore, they seem to take more delight in the things which are not related to the work. Playing cards with the relatives or just having a dinner party at a friend's place would refresh their day more than their work could do. Perhaps the everyday repetition indeed seems far less attractive than those events where you might meet new people and hear new stories.

What's more, social life enables us to relieve the pressure from work which is supposed to be a serious matter. As people are constantly afraid of making mistakes or worried about their promotions, it is quite hard for them to enjoy the fun at work. On the contrary, people are allowed to let loose themselves after work when they do some hobbies with friends or change the topics to some light-hearted ones. Without or lack of social life, people would more likely to be stressed out, not to mention being happy.

Last but not least, a sad truth is that a certain amount of people are driven to work by money instead of personal fulfilment. Salary is all they wish to get out of the job and to serve this end they even have to suffer pain and sorrow. Can you imagine a farmer wholeheartedly enjoying his everyday heavy-loaded work? All we can hope for him is a wonderful social life, hanging out with neighbors from time to time. Truthfully speaking, for those unlucky ones without a decent job, probably their social life is the only source of happiness.

From what has been analyzed above, we may reach a conclusion that social life makes more impact on one's happiness than one's job does for it allows people to become more relaxed, and more refreshed as well. If you are looking for fun, activities and socialization with people out of work are destined to be the best choice.

Agree or disagree: government should provide financial support for artists( musician, filmmaker)
Recently, a debate has risen from the need for the government to provide financial support for artists. Some hold the view that it is a necessary deed while others are not in support of this proposal. From what I see, fund endowed by the government is beneficial to the art industry, the society as a whole, and those artists as individuals. Therefore, artists deserve the assistance financially from the government by all means.

First and foremost, on the part of the government, it is actually boosting the art industry, and furthermore improving soft power of our nation by means of financial support. An urgent need for a country in the 21st century is to strengthen its soft power which lies in the culture, art, and literature. This is especially true in the case of China for we used to ignore the development of art industry as we put too much attention on economic growth. However, the products of the artists to a great extent represent our prosperous civilization, and thus should be valued and exhibited throughout the world. If the artists could receive some financial support, they are most likely to spread the influence of their artwork, winning back the approval and recognition of our soft power that China is in dire need of.

Second, people will be so much incented to get involved into activities related to art with the contribution of the government. Young generations will start to deem art industry as a highly promising one. As a result, many of them will be encouraged to learn painting, singing, or playing an instrument and hopefully some talents might be morphed into great artists in the future with training and practice. And even if they did not grow up being professionals, art and literature would enable them to refresh themselves after a long day of work. In this sense, the encouragement from the government takes a step in bringing art to our everyday life, making it more adorable and colorful.

Last but not least, it is indeed one of the government duties to offer financial aid to those artists considering special characteristics of their job. Some may argue that the occupation of artists is no different from the rest of the others so that they do not deserve extra favor. Furthermore, they point out that many celebrities such as singers and actors are earning salaries extremely high, which means financial support for them is a waste of money. I am not denying this fact but what I intend to stress is that a certain amount of artists are still living poor lives. This is not because their art pieces are valueless but in large part due to the reason that they are not familiar to the public. A case in point is Van Gogh, a painter who led a miserable life and did not become known to all until he passed away. Taking light of the circumstance of those artists, it is a nice choice of the government to better their overall situations.

From the analysis above, we may reach a conclusion that the government is supposed to provide artists with economic fund for sake of the nation, the ordinary people and artists themselves. This can be regarded as a wise investment for the outcome will be proved rewarding.
Pahan 1 / 1904 553  
Feb 15, 2014   #4
I suggest you to open a new thread for your second essay. Otherwise it is unlikely you would get comment s on that one :)

To many, it is really hard to define which role is more important as far as happiness is concerned.
From what I see, it is one's social life rather than the job that serves as a more influencing factor on his or her life.

. I am going to illustrate my point in the following three aspects.

It's good to conclude the introduction by expressing your view on the argument. The reader knows and expects you to justify your opinion and therefore the above sentence doesn't serve much purpose.
OP massiekur 2 / 3  
Feb 15, 2014   #5
Thank you so much! You've been a great help! I so appreciate it!
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1208 476  
Feb 16, 2014   #6
Your writing is good. I enjoy reading it. However, it takes many words. When facing the exam, I think you will finish writing it with an extra time.

A few details it takes here:

And from this question (a comma) you can tell what things are valued the most in life

]And from this question + a comma here is used to modify the sentence

amount of people

number of people. Amount should be followed by an uncountable noun.

a debate has risen

risen or arisen? I think a debate has arisen is a typical collocation in English. This is my personal view :)

Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Which makes more impact on happiness? Job or social life?
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳