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IELTS Writing Task 2 - Should we judge people by their appearance?


mariali 3 / 9 1  
Dec 3, 2013   #1
Hi everybody. This is my first essay on EF. Could you give me some feedbacks about task response and coherence?
Thank you so much :D


Topic: "We are able to judge people by their appearance. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?"

So far, appearance had become one of the most important things in identifying a person. When our society increasingly depends on material values more and more, appearance gradually becomes the reflection of our personality in other people mind. However, the way someone looks like could not be used for judging her or him and it does not tell us about the real-person inside each one. Therefore, I do not agree with this statement.

No doubt, judgment is one of our important needs in life, especially in routine communications. It might be argued that physical appearance is the very first thing making us to be impressed. When looking at people's appearance, we just realize ones we focus on: their emotion statement, their aesthetic mind (in either art, music, fashion...), how much they love themselves, and in some cases, the way they make up their appearance will show up how much they respect their partners or people around them. We know that when looking at movie stars, famous singers, or politicians.

In fact, we use to judge people we know nothing about than ones we know well. However, the truth is that appearance could not tell us their characteristics, their thinking ways, things they do and done, their targets in life, their living conditions and so on. So how could we assume that they are good or bad, smart or stupid by based on their appearance?

We usually see people owning tattoos or piercings, dressing conservatively, no hair or strange hairstyle, we even see people who do not care about their appearance at all. Take overweight people for example. Should we treat them differently than ones who are in shape? Of course, we should not. Just because they love foods or love to be chubby than slim, that does not mean they are poor, strict or lazy.

Moreover, appearance could be changed to suit emotions, purpose of act or even to hide the true person inside oneself like scammers or murderers. Therefore, personal judgments basing on appearance will not be believable.

To conclude, I strongly believe that it is not fair to judge people by their appearance and the only way that could help us judging people is to get them well.
pooh 3 / 3 1  
Dec 3, 2013   #2
No doubt, judgment is one of our important needs in life,

there is no doubt,
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 3, 2013   #3
Hi,
First of all, I request you to open all IELTS related threads in Writing Feedback forum.

So far, appearance had become one of the most important things in identifying a person.

... your prompt is not about identifying a person, but judging a person. It's better you stay with the prompt.

When our society increasingly depends on material values more and more

... "increasingly" makes "more and more" redundant.
Your introduction is quite aligned with the structure that can help you earn marks. Anyway, have a look at the one we generally suggest;
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Dec 3, 2013   #4
So far, appearance had become one of the most important things in identifying a person. When our society increasingly depends on material values more and more, appearance gradually becomes the reflection of our personality in other people mind.

I don't feel that this part is relevant to the topic.

appearance had has become

other people mind

other people's mind

the real-person inside each one

inner qualities

No doubt

Undoubtedly

making us to be impressed

that impresses us

When looking at people's appearance, we just realize ones we focus on...

This part is quite confusing.

However, the truth is that appearance could not tell us their characteristics...

. This just repeats your idea in the introduction.

appearance could be changed to suit emotions

This is an interesting idea that needs developing.

the only way that could help us judging people is to get them well.

What do you mean by "to get them well"?
OP mariali 3 / 9 1  
Dec 4, 2013   #5
To Dumi: Thanks for your feedbacks, I'll pay more attention on these faults :D
To MisterWandering: How keen your comments are :) Thank you so much.
- What do you mean by "to get them well"? --->> I mean "to understand them/ to know them well". That was a stupid fault! >"<

I'm going to correct my essay. I must practise more. >"<
Pahan 1 / 1,905 553  
Dec 5, 2013   #6
No doubt, judgment is one of our important needs in life, especially in routine communications.

.... strong sentence - good idea too :)

It might be argued that physical appearance is the very first thing making us to be impressed.

Had you written this in direct speech, it would sound much more effective and convincing;
Without any doubt, one's physical appearance is the first thing that makes others impressed about him or her.

No doubt, judgment is one of our important needs in life, especially in routine communications. It might be argued that physical appearance is the very first thing making us to be impressed. When looking at people's appearance, we just realize ones we focus on: their emotion statement, their aesthetic mind (in either art, music, fashion...), how much they love themselves, and in some cases, the way they make up their appearance will show up how much they respect their partners or people around them. We know that when looking at movie stars, famous singers, or politicians.

Give a more specific example to support this reason. Pick some celebrity and tell how he or she makes great first impressions about them.
minepour - / 1 1  
Dec 5, 2013   #7
Hi everybody. This is my first essay on EF. Could you give me some feedbacks about task response and coherence?
Thank you so much.

Topic: "We are able to judge people by their appearance. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?"

There are many different approaches which make us able to judge people without knowing before. One of the simplest ways is judging the appearance of people as most people do it regularly. The accuracy of these judgments depend on many factors such as condition and position of person who we want to know. But in some occasions these judgements might work out and may be useful.

In my point of view, judging the people who are new for us is almost difficult, even though we cannot overlook the strong effects of some people during first meeting. But in such situation we should be patient and wait to look other characteristics in order to find more information. Some people get good prepared before first meetings so they will be attend with high confidence which It might make a unreal environments for other people who are here.

In other hand, this approach for judging about people who we know them for more than one time is more applicable. For example, we could mention the co-workers. We almost know them regarding their behaviors and characteristics but we can grape more information about him by paying more attention to their appearances such as clothes, hairs, shaving, shoes and etc. We could find that what happened for him or her before coming to work or how her or his status of mental and spirit is.

Finally, I think people judgments based on appearance is a suitable way to find some information about people, but it is not enough to make final decision. We need to consider other properties of a person to ensure how he or she is. Also we should care about that, sometimes appropriate appearances deviate our mind from the true way, however using such judgment are beneficial when we almost know the person who is supposed.
haodiep7640 3 / 9  
Dec 5, 2013   #8
Generally, I think you have very good writing skills. Your essay covers the topic and it is also easy to follow.
OP mariali 3 / 9 1  
Dec 8, 2013   #9
haodiep7640
I'm so sorry, but what essay are you talking about?
because there is one more essay above your comment, from "minepour" >"<


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