Hi, everyone, i am currently a secondary school student and this is a piece of my work. Can someone please help me to edit it? This should be an exam essay so grammar and accuracy of language come first. I am not a native speaker of the English language so my expression might be sometimes a bit weird and please bear with me.LOL. However, suggestions on the development of plots and others will as well be duly appreciated!! Thank you very much! Here it goes~
Freedom
Standing under the glazing sunshine, Ah Kang took in yet another deep breath and tasted voraciously of the fragrance of freedom permeating through the open air. It was something he had long yearned for. He threw a last glance at the corrugated heavy iron wall of Changi Prison, the place where he was imprisoned for ten years. Ah Kang let out a collective sigh of relief. All left between his teeth and tongue was the inexplicable bitterness, longliness and shame born into his very soul. Fortunately, it was all gone then.
Ah Kang had been waiting for this day since the moment he was sentenced for his commitment of a ruthless murder. He could never forget the plaintive cry of his own daughter when he was taken away. That cry had become a constant reminder to Ah Kang, to alert him that he should never repeat his own mistake. Every night Ah Kang would imagine the things he would do after released. Sometimes when Ah Kang was off the work, he would sneak to the gate of Changi prison and stole a glare of the world outside through the gap between the gates. That beautiful world.
However, it was ironic that Ah Kang was not thrilled at all when the lone-anticipated moment had finally arrived. Sitting at the backseat of the taxi, Ah Kang stared curiously at the towering skyscrapers and lines of vehicles stretching along the road. After the long-term imprisonment, it seemed that he had become an alien to this modern world.
Ah Kang took out the family photo in his bag. He had been always keeping it with him. In fact, it was the sole motivation for him to live in that cold, squalid cell of the jail. Ah Kang felt a torrent of warmth gushing down from his head to toe as he peered at the angelic face of his daughter. Then he saw his wife, a bona fide paragon of elegance. Ah Kang put his fingertips gently on her face, reminiscent of the fragrance of her perfume left in Ah Kang's palm as she came to visit him in prison. Ah Kang gritted his teeth. He must change. He swore to himself that he would provide her family a better life and made up for her adorable daughter of all the love she had missed.
He should find a job first. A job, definitely. Thus he would be able to earn a handsome sum of income, which could afford all the exquisite dresses that her daughter longed for. He would change a car for his wife, for her old car was really obsolescent. Some jewelry would no doubt be a perfect addition to her flawless features. Ah Kang also thought of doing some community work, to reconstruct his image in front of others. All her generous neighbours would for sure forgive his wrongdoings, he assumed. Leaning on the backseat with his eyes closed, Ah Kang could not help smiling as all these images floated into his mind.
With a sudden jerk, the car stopped. They had reached his home, and it looked a little bit different then. Ah Kang stared at the mirror in the car and scrutinize himself carefully. His unkempt hair was nicely combed and his beard was well trimmed. He wanted to keep a refreshing image as he reunited with his family. With a satisfactory smile on his face, Ah Kang stepped out of the car.
"Ah!! The murderer is back!!" A distraught scream from a little chubby girl sliced through the still air.
The little girl fled away.
Staring at the fainting figure of the little girl, with her words echoing in his ears, Ah Kang trembled in utter horror. It was not until then did he realize that he was never set free from other people's prejudice.
Freedom
Standing under the glazing sunshine, Ah Kang took in yet another deep breath and tasted voraciously of the fragrance of freedom permeating through the open air. It was something he had long yearned for. He threw a last glance at the corrugated heavy iron wall of Changi Prison, the place where he was imprisoned for ten years. Ah Kang let out a collective sigh of relief. All left between his teeth and tongue was the inexplicable bitterness, longliness and shame born into his very soul. Fortunately, it was all gone then.
Ah Kang had been waiting for this day since the moment he was sentenced for his commitment of a ruthless murder. He could never forget the plaintive cry of his own daughter when he was taken away. That cry had become a constant reminder to Ah Kang, to alert him that he should never repeat his own mistake. Every night Ah Kang would imagine the things he would do after released. Sometimes when Ah Kang was off the work, he would sneak to the gate of Changi prison and stole a glare of the world outside through the gap between the gates. That beautiful world.
However, it was ironic that Ah Kang was not thrilled at all when the lone-anticipated moment had finally arrived. Sitting at the backseat of the taxi, Ah Kang stared curiously at the towering skyscrapers and lines of vehicles stretching along the road. After the long-term imprisonment, it seemed that he had become an alien to this modern world.
Ah Kang took out the family photo in his bag. He had been always keeping it with him. In fact, it was the sole motivation for him to live in that cold, squalid cell of the jail. Ah Kang felt a torrent of warmth gushing down from his head to toe as he peered at the angelic face of his daughter. Then he saw his wife, a bona fide paragon of elegance. Ah Kang put his fingertips gently on her face, reminiscent of the fragrance of her perfume left in Ah Kang's palm as she came to visit him in prison. Ah Kang gritted his teeth. He must change. He swore to himself that he would provide her family a better life and made up for her adorable daughter of all the love she had missed.
He should find a job first. A job, definitely. Thus he would be able to earn a handsome sum of income, which could afford all the exquisite dresses that her daughter longed for. He would change a car for his wife, for her old car was really obsolescent. Some jewelry would no doubt be a perfect addition to her flawless features. Ah Kang also thought of doing some community work, to reconstruct his image in front of others. All her generous neighbours would for sure forgive his wrongdoings, he assumed. Leaning on the backseat with his eyes closed, Ah Kang could not help smiling as all these images floated into his mind.
With a sudden jerk, the car stopped. They had reached his home, and it looked a little bit different then. Ah Kang stared at the mirror in the car and scrutinize himself carefully. His unkempt hair was nicely combed and his beard was well trimmed. He wanted to keep a refreshing image as he reunited with his family. With a satisfactory smile on his face, Ah Kang stepped out of the car.
"Ah!! The murderer is back!!" A distraught scream from a little chubby girl sliced through the still air.
The little girl fled away.
Staring at the fainting figure of the little girl, with her words echoing in his ears, Ah Kang trembled in utter horror. It was not until then did he realize that he was never set free from other people's prejudice.
