this essay is about picking 2 types of friend from the essay "All Kinds of Friends" of Judith Viorst. I have to define the category i wrote about, demonstrate how my friendship match with the category, then explaining what i gain from these friendship. Please take a look, and feel free to point out any error.
All Kinds of Friends
From a young age most people have gone through many relationships with other people who were not their family. Thus, we often acknowledge these relationships as friendships. But the word "friend" is too broad, so people categorize their friends into several types. In her book "Necessary Losses: The Lovers, Illusions, Dependencies and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow", Judith Viorst divided friendships into six types. Those are convenience friends, special interest friends, historical friends, crossroad friends, cross-generation friends and close friends. In my life, I have been friends with many people. Although I have met all six friend described by Viorst, convenience friends and close friends are the two categories that have special significance in my life.
First, the convenience friends, Viorst described them in her book: "these are the neighbor or office mate or member of our carpool whose lives routinely intersect with ours." (1). This is my good neighbor, George, who always says hello to me every morning. We often talk to each other when we are cleaning our cars on Sunday. Besides these conversations and living in the same neighborhood, there is nothing between us. Based on Viorst's description, convenient friends are those that we would not have naturally befriended and only cross paths occasionally. These people are not really friends in the original sense of the word. These are people we get to relate with out of convenience and do not have to talk to them too much about ourselves. Even Viorst admitted that: "But we don't with convenience friends, ever come too close or tell too much: We maintain our public face and emotional distance."(1). Another example is my next door neighbor, Tanya. She invites me to play tennis with her every afternoon. Because I do not like to exercise alone, I play tennis with her regularly. We talk a lot about how to improve the foot step, the dink and the equipments. We play together but we do not express our personal problems or private stories to each other. In my view, these type of friends are best called 'acquaintances' because we, at some point, rely on them for some convenient causes. Moreover, I need Tanya as a sport mate to be able to play my favorite sport and she needs me for the same reason. George, although I do not see him often, I still like to have chats with him sometimes because he always helps me trim my trees. They also ask me to fix their computers sometimes too and I am happy to do that as a small favor to payback their favors. Though their lives do not go along with my lives, when I cross them, I am happy to lend my help to their minor needs as they will return that favor to me in future.
Second, is the highest level of friendship: close friends. I think that the most important facet of friendship is intimacy. Viorst explained close friends as "friendship of deep intimacy" (3). Three years ago, I met Huy who, until now, has been a really close friend of mine. We went to the same college. We like to hang out together and we often travel a lot too. Moreover, our friendship was deepened. Huy was the only one who knew I had a crush on a girl in our class. I also told him about my loneliness and my stresses at home. Likewise, Huy is the only one who comforts me when I am sad or lonely. He told me why he got his first tattoo. Whenever he has a fight with his family, he comes to me. When Huy has an argument with his girlfriend, I am the only one who can work thing out between them. We always talk to each other about what we want to do, to become. We tell each other our dreams, talk about how silly they are, then try to correct and give advice and encourage each other. Those are the privileged stories that can only be shared with close friends as "close friendships involve revealing aspects of our private self-or our private feelings and thoughts, of our private wishes and fears and fantasies and dreams", Viorst said.
Viorst claimed: "Close friends contribute to our personal growth." I found this true in my case. Before I met Huy, I used to live my life quietly, keeping my distance from other people. I was not bad at socializing with other people, but because I did not have a close friend, I felt too lazy to talk to others. I often stayed at home and spent time watching TV. This changed when I met Huy. We hung out together all the time. We met and invited more friends to our group. Moreover, the time that I spent at home and watching TV lessened. I have changed from a quiet, unapproachable person to one who is more friendly and sociable. Furthermore, when I am with Huy and other close friends of mine I feel joy in doing everything. For example, our party would be more fun with everybody there. Together our trips to the mountains or the beach are more exciting. The fabulous time that we spend together on karaoke night could last forever. This is also one of the contributions of close friends that Viorst noted: "they also contribute to our personal pleasure, making the music sound sweeter, the wine taste richer, the laughter ring louder, because they were there." (3).
However, in one's life there may be a time when everything goes against our predictions. But I do not worry because close friends will come to us and help us go through our hard times as Viorst wrote: "Friends furthermore take care-they come if we call them at two in the morning; they lend us their car, their bed, their money, their ear [...]" (3). During my hard time, Huy always stayed next to me: I told him that I was on the brink of total collapse as no more strength was left to withstand the hardship. He comforted me and tried to find a solution to help me because we were like sisters. I still remember the time when I was so sick. I could not go to school, so Huy was the only one that took care of me and helped me by taking notes in class. But he had a job at that time so going to school, taking care of me, and working was too much for him. But he told me that: "we are like brother, how can I leave you alone". The duty of being a friend or best friend is not just about finding happiness but also the responsibility to help and to take care of our friend. That is what Viorst wrote in her book: "It is clear that intimate friendships involve important rights and obligations" (4). Close friends are friends who share the joys, the secrets, the unforgettable moments. Moreover, they give many elements to other lives and they receive many opinions, experiences and feelings from the others. I learned from my best friend that 'close friends' should care for each other as they should never leave their friends alone in the critical times. In the end, Huy will always be my close friend-my brother-and I will always listen and look out for this brother of mine.
Friendship is based on intimacy, so whether that person is just a convenience friend and the relationship is based on good deeds, the convenience friend could still become a close friend. That is why the most important friendship has good intimacy. Nobody could live a life without a friend, so we need to open our hearts to let others have a chance to be friends with us. With friends, our lives are better, our days are filled with joy, and our unhappiness fades away. Friends will take care of us when we are in need as we will support them in everything with the best we have. Life with friends will always give us wonderful memories that we will never forget for the rest of our days.
All Kinds of Friends
From a young age most people have gone through many relationships with other people who were not their family. Thus, we often acknowledge these relationships as friendships. But the word "friend" is too broad, so people categorize their friends into several types. In her book "Necessary Losses: The Lovers, Illusions, Dependencies and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow", Judith Viorst divided friendships into six types. Those are convenience friends, special interest friends, historical friends, crossroad friends, cross-generation friends and close friends. In my life, I have been friends with many people. Although I have met all six friend described by Viorst, convenience friends and close friends are the two categories that have special significance in my life.
First, the convenience friends, Viorst described them in her book: "these are the neighbor or office mate or member of our carpool whose lives routinely intersect with ours." (1). This is my good neighbor, George, who always says hello to me every morning. We often talk to each other when we are cleaning our cars on Sunday. Besides these conversations and living in the same neighborhood, there is nothing between us. Based on Viorst's description, convenient friends are those that we would not have naturally befriended and only cross paths occasionally. These people are not really friends in the original sense of the word. These are people we get to relate with out of convenience and do not have to talk to them too much about ourselves. Even Viorst admitted that: "But we don't with convenience friends, ever come too close or tell too much: We maintain our public face and emotional distance."(1). Another example is my next door neighbor, Tanya. She invites me to play tennis with her every afternoon. Because I do not like to exercise alone, I play tennis with her regularly. We talk a lot about how to improve the foot step, the dink and the equipments. We play together but we do not express our personal problems or private stories to each other. In my view, these type of friends are best called 'acquaintances' because we, at some point, rely on them for some convenient causes. Moreover, I need Tanya as a sport mate to be able to play my favorite sport and she needs me for the same reason. George, although I do not see him often, I still like to have chats with him sometimes because he always helps me trim my trees. They also ask me to fix their computers sometimes too and I am happy to do that as a small favor to payback their favors. Though their lives do not go along with my lives, when I cross them, I am happy to lend my help to their minor needs as they will return that favor to me in future.
Second, is the highest level of friendship: close friends. I think that the most important facet of friendship is intimacy. Viorst explained close friends as "friendship of deep intimacy" (3). Three years ago, I met Huy who, until now, has been a really close friend of mine. We went to the same college. We like to hang out together and we often travel a lot too. Moreover, our friendship was deepened. Huy was the only one who knew I had a crush on a girl in our class. I also told him about my loneliness and my stresses at home. Likewise, Huy is the only one who comforts me when I am sad or lonely. He told me why he got his first tattoo. Whenever he has a fight with his family, he comes to me. When Huy has an argument with his girlfriend, I am the only one who can work thing out between them. We always talk to each other about what we want to do, to become. We tell each other our dreams, talk about how silly they are, then try to correct and give advice and encourage each other. Those are the privileged stories that can only be shared with close friends as "close friendships involve revealing aspects of our private self-or our private feelings and thoughts, of our private wishes and fears and fantasies and dreams", Viorst said.
Viorst claimed: "Close friends contribute to our personal growth." I found this true in my case. Before I met Huy, I used to live my life quietly, keeping my distance from other people. I was not bad at socializing with other people, but because I did not have a close friend, I felt too lazy to talk to others. I often stayed at home and spent time watching TV. This changed when I met Huy. We hung out together all the time. We met and invited more friends to our group. Moreover, the time that I spent at home and watching TV lessened. I have changed from a quiet, unapproachable person to one who is more friendly and sociable. Furthermore, when I am with Huy and other close friends of mine I feel joy in doing everything. For example, our party would be more fun with everybody there. Together our trips to the mountains or the beach are more exciting. The fabulous time that we spend together on karaoke night could last forever. This is also one of the contributions of close friends that Viorst noted: "they also contribute to our personal pleasure, making the music sound sweeter, the wine taste richer, the laughter ring louder, because they were there." (3).
However, in one's life there may be a time when everything goes against our predictions. But I do not worry because close friends will come to us and help us go through our hard times as Viorst wrote: "Friends furthermore take care-they come if we call them at two in the morning; they lend us their car, their bed, their money, their ear [...]" (3). During my hard time, Huy always stayed next to me: I told him that I was on the brink of total collapse as no more strength was left to withstand the hardship. He comforted me and tried to find a solution to help me because we were like sisters. I still remember the time when I was so sick. I could not go to school, so Huy was the only one that took care of me and helped me by taking notes in class. But he had a job at that time so going to school, taking care of me, and working was too much for him. But he told me that: "we are like brother, how can I leave you alone". The duty of being a friend or best friend is not just about finding happiness but also the responsibility to help and to take care of our friend. That is what Viorst wrote in her book: "It is clear that intimate friendships involve important rights and obligations" (4). Close friends are friends who share the joys, the secrets, the unforgettable moments. Moreover, they give many elements to other lives and they receive many opinions, experiences and feelings from the others. I learned from my best friend that 'close friends' should care for each other as they should never leave their friends alone in the critical times. In the end, Huy will always be my close friend-my brother-and I will always listen and look out for this brother of mine.
Friendship is based on intimacy, so whether that person is just a convenience friend and the relationship is based on good deeds, the convenience friend could still become a close friend. That is why the most important friendship has good intimacy. Nobody could live a life without a friend, so we need to open our hearts to let others have a chance to be friends with us. With friends, our lives are better, our days are filled with joy, and our unhappiness fades away. Friends will take care of us when we are in need as we will support them in everything with the best we have. Life with friends will always give us wonderful memories that we will never forget for the rest of our days.
