Hey I just wanted to get some feedback of what I have so far on this narrative story I am writing for school sorry if i have many grammar error but English is not my 1st language and this is my 1st time writing something like this any feedback will be appreciated thanks in advance.
How Kirsys felt in love in La playa De Los Gringos.
It was a beautiful sunny day out; Jose who has been Kirsys friend since they were young invited her to the beach with all his friends, her heart was beating fast, as she felt every cell beneath her skin vibrating, her hands begin to shake and sweat was coming out of her forehead as she did not know anyone other then him, and she said " I'm not sure if I should go.''
He look at her with a smile on his face and reply " Come on it will be fun, I promise. ''
She look down, hold his hands really tight and softly said " Alright, Alright I will go.''
Holding each other hands they walk towards the bus that was talking, it took around two hours but they finally made it; everyone yields and got out of the bus quickly, but Kirsys and Jose were the last ones to get out. As they walk towards the beach Kirsys notice a river connecting the ocean, it was something she never seem before her eyes glared and she stood looking at the scenery while the breeze was blowing her hair and she said "Wow, this is breath taking."
"Come on! Are you going to stay there all day?" Jose yield.
As the time flew them by it was already 2:00 PM, everyone seems to be hungry and everyone gather together their money and bought a big order of fry fish with totones in a near by restaurant, Kirsys was really distant from the group she kept touching her hair and looking around, Jose call her out " Kirsys Come on!" he did not see or hear her so he got up and when to get her, as he walks towards her and got closer her heart begin pounding fast it felt like it was about to come out of her chest, she didn't know why this was happening but all she knew was that her eyes seems to see him in a whole different way. He was talking in front of her but she seems to be in a different place.
How Kirsys felt in love in La playa De Los Gringos.
It was a beautiful sunny day out; Jose who has been Kirsys friend since they were young invited her to the beach with all his friends, her heart was beating fast, as she felt every cell beneath her skin vibrating, her hands begin to shake and sweat was coming out of her forehead as she did not know anyone other then him, and she said " I'm not sure if I should go.''
He look at her with a smile on his face and reply " Come on it will be fun, I promise. ''
She look down, hold his hands really tight and softly said " Alright, Alright I will go.''
Holding each other hands they walk towards the bus that was talking, it took around two hours but they finally made it; everyone yields and got out of the bus quickly, but Kirsys and Jose were the last ones to get out. As they walk towards the beach Kirsys notice a river connecting the ocean, it was something she never seem before her eyes glared and she stood looking at the scenery while the breeze was blowing her hair and she said "Wow, this is breath taking."
"Come on! Are you going to stay there all day?" Jose yield.
As the time flew them by it was already 2:00 PM, everyone seems to be hungry and everyone gather together their money and bought a big order of fry fish with totones in a near by restaurant, Kirsys was really distant from the group she kept touching her hair and looking around, Jose call her out " Kirsys Come on!" he did not see or hear her so he got up and when to get her, as he walks towards her and got closer her heart begin pounding fast it felt like it was about to come out of her chest, she didn't know why this was happening but all she knew was that her eyes seems to see him in a whole different way. He was talking in front of her but she seems to be in a different place.
