Ielts task 2 - knowing how to behave well and learn god manners - such wisdom from school or home?

Parents or schools should teach children how to be good members of society?

As students in a young age, most of them are growing and learning every single day, to fit in the society, they need to learn how to behave well and learn god manners with some common senses, since students spend most of their time at schools and homes, these two environments plays different roles on the students.

Before we start going to school, parents have a huge position and give us a big influence in our childhood lives. We learn everything from our parents such as their behaviors or styles of communication, parents should serve as models to educate their child to act well whether they are at home or going out to interact with the world outside. In this situation, parents are their biggest teacher to tell them what to do or what not to do to become good members of society.

After we start going to school at our suitable ages, it becomes a totally different environment compared to our family. We spend lots of our time with classmates and friends, we may also join clubs we are interested in at schools. At this moment in our lives, teachers play huge roles to the students. We need to learn some rules during classes, paying attention when the teacher is speaking. Lot more details of manners and behaviors would be taught in schools to help us understand how to behave well in the society and how to interact with different people with empathy. It is also a big function for schools to not only teach students academic knowledges but also how to shape ourselves well in the modern society.

In my opinion at the end, teachers may take a bigger responsibility to educate students to be good members in society since they may observe students in class and adjust their behaviors right away. But it doesn't mean that parent should ignore their duty to educate and influence their child in their own ways.

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The first paragraph from the get-go needed to be diluted and separated into three to four different sentences. Create shorter and simpler sentences that will make it easier for you to shape the rest of your writing, especially since you are dealing with such elaborate details.

Be cautious as well of the tenses and the forms of your verbs. Bear in mind the whole subject-and-verb-agreement notion that dictates how you should morph your writing.

It's also quite unnecessary to repeatedly mention that both of these factors are what "play a huge role" to the students, especially because you've already established this from the very beginning. Mentioning them too many times just appears to be an excessive use of word count - and this is imperative since you are working confined within these limits

The ending conclusion also has to include a more balanced approach to everything to create something that's more substantial. Try to stick with this as much as you can.