Hi, Bastian20. here my comments and suggestion for your essay. keep writing dude.
at first, i'll say that based on the question, besides write about the reason why local people doesn't seem interest with museums and historical sites, you need to also explain why tourist are then visit it in massive number than local people.
1st paragraph:
is since those often find the artificial equipment which is provided by museums. For example, traditional weapon and conventional dress, local people still utilize them at the moment.
i get what you meant, but your sentence is quite hard to follow, may be better if you revise the flow, like this: ...
is since they still utilize the equipment , for example traditional weapon and conventional dress, which is exhibited artificially on museums.2nd paragraph:
Those can give discount in cost entrance for local society.
in introduction, however, you mentioned the measure is :
should overcome this problem by applying attractive advertising.
by this, i found that what you state in introduction is different with what you explain at your paragraph. you need to strict to it as if you give new idea, it might be revealed unclear information. readers may wonder what is the correlation between those statement.