Unanswered [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


IELTS T 2:A large number of death are caused by road accidents. Why do so many....?



Parsalove 2 / 1  
Jul 18, 2013   #1
A large number of death are caused by road accidents. Why do so many road accidents occur? Make recommendations that would help to reduce the number of road accidents.

In the today's world, despite of so many attempts are done for reducing number of road accidents, that's inevitable to overlook the truth why increasing simultaneously of the key factors that lead to more accidents. It's interesting to know which developing countries unfortunately are center of mortality due to the road accidents. It seems to me that at least five essential factors are the most important reasons to happen it.

First, the most common road accident is the use of cell phone while driving and answering a phone call could be troublesome. The increasing use of cell phones while driving has caused numerous incidents and has killed so many people in the world.

Second, higher speed increases probability of accident because there is very strong relationship between speed and accident risk. Basically, younger drivers face accidents just for driving too fast and after that loos of control that can make a collision between two cars.

Third, road design is an important component in insuring the safety of our roadways and highways. Poorly designed and built roads can cause many different kinds of car accidents that result in serious injuries. For instance, Iran is the one of ten most dangerous countries for driving in the world which reports high rate of road mortality.

Next, there are many types of vehicle defects, such as a tire blowout, brake failure or other mechanical failure that can be make terrible accident.

Last but not least, low penalty is the essentially factor that encourages every guilty driver to drive fast, call with cellphone, drink alcohol and do other forbidden things while driving.

To conclude with, although transportation and especially driving by cars has a significant key role in our lives, there is at least five key factors that lead to horrible accidents daily. Respect to others and ourselves and be careful while driving and check the car before driving are some things for making your driving safe.

shadman19922 21 / 74  
Jul 18, 2013   #2
Well, you do have some solid points, but you can score far better if you just took 3-4 points and developed them rather than merely just stating points.

For example:

First, the most common road accident is the use of cell phone while driving and answering a phone call could be troublesome. The increasing use of cell phones while driving has caused numerous incidents and has killed so many people in the world.

Try explaining why using cellphones while driving is a bad idea. This point can be easily refuted by the fact that we have a bunch of hands-free technology available these days. Given that mere statements can be easily refuted, it is important to develop your ideas.

Anyways, another point that caught my attention was:

Last but not least, low penalty is the essentially factor that encourages every guilty driver to drive fast, call with cellphone, drink alcohol and do other forbidden things while driving.

This idea can be integrated with your other points instead of being separate.

Hope this helps


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS T 2:A large number of death are caused by road accidents. Why do so many....?
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳