Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Lava from Hawaii volcano cascades into sea in vivid display


azmi23 17 / 28 3  
Aug 22, 2016   #1
Here is my 8th summary from an article on The Jakarta Post.
Please give me some advises related to my writing. I found it is so hard to arrange complex sentence, even to paraphrase some materials to be more interesting and "my style" kind of thing. So do not hesitate to criticise!


On Monday, Augustus 8th, thousands of people worldwide gathered together to see the incredible hot bright-orange lava eruption at Kilauea, one of the world's most active volcanoes on Hawaii's Big Island where has not been showing its beauty for three years. The Kilauea's vent, Puu Oo, has begun to erupt in the 1980s periodically and since then formed 500 acres new landscape through the lava that spill toward the Pacific Ocean.

To get closer to seeing this phenomenon requires a boat, a chopper or strong legs since you have to hike on steeply seaside cliff. The outstanding show presented a crackles and hisses harmony as a result of hot fumes when heat meets seawater and sometimes audiences will be mesmerized by flying searing chunks formed by the explosion. However, visitors had been warned about the hazardous hydrochloric acid from the chemical reaction.

The Chilean said that he could sense the heat, even smelled the "super funny" scent. Moreover, it was one of a kind experience compared to another plenty of volcanoes back home. Officials of Volcanoes National Park, where the venue was, recorded an increase by 1,000 to 1,500 visitors daily since the phenomenon occurred.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 22, 2016   #2
Hi Azmi, I understand your confusion and I would be glad to help you for this.

First thing first, complex sentence is not a sentence that looks too complicated like this "On Monday, Augustus 8th, thousands of people worldwide gathered together to see the incredible hot bright-orange lava eruption at Kilauea, one of the world's most active volcanoes on Hawaii's Big Island where has not been showing its beauty for three years." The essence of complex sentence is quite simple and not complex at all. Complex sentence is just simply a sentence with more than one clause. Anyway, a clause itself is a part of sentence that has its own subject and verb (Merriam-Webster Dictionary). Perhaps, a short description below would help you acquiring a better understanding about complex sentence.

Simple sentence (1 clause)
> She goes to Paris.

Compound sentence (2 clauses or more that are connected by coordinating conjunctions (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so))
> Rudi wakes up at 9 o'clock and he goes to school at 10 o'clock.

Complex sentence (2 clauses or more that are connected by subordinate conjunctions (although, while, because, etc.))
> She looks fresh because she always eats fresh fruit.

Compound-complex sentence (the combination of compound and complex sentence)
> Yesterday, Rudi woke up at 9 o'clock but he forgot to eat breakfast because he was in a hurry.

Hope this helps :)
ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Aug 23, 2016   #3
thousands of people worldwide gathered together
you made a redundancy in this sentence

To get closer to seeing this phenomenon requires a boat,
To watch this phenomenon closer people need a boat,

The outstanding show presented a crackles and (...) when heat meets met seawater and sometimes audiences willwould be mesmerized by flying searing ...

Moreover,it was one of a kind experience compared to another
it was one of the most unbelievable experience .....


Home / Writing Feedback / Lava from Hawaii volcano cascades into sea in vivid display