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IELTS Task 1 - Learning difficulties faced by students from two schools (table)

winnienwk 1 / 1  
Jun 30, 2017   #1

what kind of study problems in schools?

The table illustrates the seven areas of difficulties encountered by pupils in two primary schools in 2005 and 2015.

Overall, there were more students from school A facing the seven problems than from school B in both given years. While the most students from school A found it difficult to follow instructions in 2005, students from school B reflected concentrating in lessons as the major problem. Whereas in 2015, children in school A faced problems in having good handwriting, while not being able to keep concentrated in lessons was still the main problem for school B.

In 2005, 42% of students of school A had problem in following instructions, followed by 40% of them found difficulties in concentrating in classes. In contrast, the former problem involved the second least proportion of children in school B (only 6%), but the latter problem was also a main one, with 15% of students involved. The remaining problems was at range of around 20% to 35% and about 5% to 15% in school A and school B respectively.

In 2015, the figures of the seven problems for both schools were similar, except for the significant decrease in percentage for the two major problems in school A, both halved from over 40% to under 20%, and the slight climb for school B in terms of following instructions from 6% to 12%.

** It seems that I did not mention much data other than the items with the most and least percentage of students, does this matter?
** I found it confusing in how to group the data from table as there are really so many numbers, which when I deal with bar charts, will be less problematic. Thank you!

okorobiadimma14 6 / 82 50  
Jun 30, 2017   #2
Ng, reviewing your essay will not be that easy because you failed to post the prompt of your essay alongside the draft. How will I assess if you really answered the question or did a proper paraphrase of the prompt when there is no prompt in the current post. Be that as it may, my comments would be based on the content of the essay. I can point out that your paraphrase is improper as it reads the original statement in the prompt. For you to do a proper paraphrase, you must rephrase the topic question of the essay. That shows that you have perfect understanding of the requirements of the essay. Your overview statement is incomplete. The first sentence of the 2nd paragraph (overview) is okay but the rest of the sentences are meant to be part of the next paragraph since they are not overview statements. At least three overview statements can be generated from the table. Meanwhile, an overview statement is one that describes the observable trend(s) in the chart, graph or table provided.

Overview 1: Percentage of students having academic problems was generally higher in school A than in B.
Overview 2: There was an observable decrease in the percentage of students with academic issues in student A over a ten year period.
Overview 3: The proportion of students with academic challenges in school B was fairly stable between 2005 and 2015.

Notice that in the above statements, there was no specific comment on actual figures with respect to the increase or decrease reported. These specific comment would be made in the paragraph(s) following the overview. Your 3rd paragraph is difficult to follow because you were not mentioning the particular component of the table which you were trying to describe. Your essay also lacks conclusion. I can not go further than this due to error of not posting the prompt alongside your current draft.
OP winnienwk 1 / 1  
Jul 1, 2017   #3
@okorobiadimma14 , Thank you for your advice! I have a clearer idea on how to write the overview for tables. And for your reference, the essay prompt is as follow: The table below gives information about the problems faced by children in two primary schools in 2005 and 2015.

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