Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The table below gives information about the problems faced by children in two primary schools in 200

tranvanson2001 1 / 1  
Aug 5, 2022   #1

pupils issues ANALYSIS

The chart illustrates the proportion of pupils who confront different types of education issues in two primary schools between 2005 and 2015. Overall, it is clear that school A had higher proportions of children experiencing education problems than school B in both years. However, school A managed to reduce the number of students with those difficulties, school B saw an increase in the percentage of pupils who were struggling.

In 2005, 42% of children in school A found it difficult to follow instructions, whereas only 6% of pupils in school B experienced this problem. Besides, between 30% and 40% of students struggled with spelling, listening skills, verbal expression, and concentration in lessons in school A, while the equivalent figure for school B was between 5 and 15%.

In 2015, the number of students in school A facing the following instructions problem decreased significantly to 18%, and this school also saw a rapid diminish in spelling, listening skills, verbal expression, and concentration in lessons by 5%, 15%, 14%, and 24% respectively. By contrast, in school B, the percentage of pupils confronted with spelling, and following instructions issues doubled, to 10% and 12% correspondently, and there was almost no change in the incidence of listening skills, verbal expression, or concentration difficulties.

i've just been starting to write for 2 months, hope you could give me a feedback of this one. thanks a lot.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,879 4563  
Aug 6, 2022   #2
It is pretty obvious that the first time writer grasps the idea behind the task 1 essay and its requirements. He has done an acceptable job creating a summary overview, but could use some guidance towards completing the scoring requirements. He can get started with a more accurate image identifier.

When creating the summary overview, focus on generating a mental picture of the image/s. Mention:
1. How many images there are
2. The specific image type rather than the general term
3. The measurement used in reference to data indicators

Doing so will remove the need to refer the reader to the image. This must be done because the reader is always assumed to not have a copy of the image on hand so such references are frowned upon in the presentation.

There are also word usage issues in relation to LR and GRA considerations. The word "between" was improperly used in the sentence because there are no estimates provided in the image. Only specific measurements. The word "between" indicates that the author is estimating the actual measurement, which is never the case in percentage based information.

There is also no such phrase as "rapid dimish". The correct phrase formation is "rapidly diminishing" to indicate a past but active action reference on the part of information sharing. Neither is it right to say "By contrast" as the correct phrase is "In contrast".

Based on this essay, it will be safe for me to say that the writer shows the potential to achieve a higher than average score with his task 1 test. He just needs to address the problems above to further improve his scoring range in those specific areas. He should continue to develop his sentence writing skills as well to further strengthen his explanation paragraphs.
OP tranvanson2001 1 / 1  
Aug 6, 2022   #3
Thanks for your feedback, i really appriciate it!
Hope you have a good day!

Home / Writing Feedback / The table below gives information about the problems faced by children in two primary schools in 200