Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Leisure is a growing industry


GATE 9 / 17 1  
May 20, 2020   #1

The modern technology has made people less creative



Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.


Going to vacation is a trend nowadays and this is the reason behind the growth of travel sector. I completely agree with the statement as with the advancement of technology over the period of time, holidays are becoming boring and more insensible as over dependency on gadgets like, mobile and camera are making us less imaginative. Let us discuss it thoroughly with help of next paragraphs.

Undoubtedly, technology has changed our life drastically, but simultaneously carries some disadvantages with it. As compared to the past, people are avid to take lots of photographs for the memories, but camera does not allow a person to enjoy the current moments and they could easily skip the essence of the holiday. For Example, people in the mid of 90s used to paint the scenery in their leisure time which made them more creative and artistic. On the other hand, now people are glued with the camera just for the sake of sharing pictures on social media.

We all are becoming the slaves of technology especially mobile phones which have made us a Mobile Zombie. It never allows a person to enjoy the holiday at the fullest and can eat a significant time which could be utilized to find out more activities to make the vacation more entertaining. Till the time of invention of mobile, the people used to do enormous adventurous and creative activities to entertain themselves which helped them to live the life in better way.

To recapitulate, modern technologies are required to make our life easier, but we should also look at the other side of the coin. People should enjoy their leisure time with nature and its serene beauty which can enhance their imagination.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,067 2738  
May 21, 2020   #2
Your restatement is still unclear. It is confusing and you are not properly assessing the original discussion requirements.

Original topic: Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to
Original Reason: the use of modern technology has made them less creative.
Original Question: Do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Your topic: Going to vacation is a trend nowadays (Error)
Your Reason : the reason behind the growth of travel sector (Error)
Response: I completely agree with the statement as with the advancement of technology over the period of time, holidays are becoming boring and more insensible as over dependency on gadgets like, mobile and camera are making us less imaginative. ( Error. Conflict of discussion representation based on your reasoning statement and an improper understanding of the discussion topic / outline from the original presentation)

If you say that going on vacations is a growing trend, then why are you saying that holidays are becoming boring? Why would people need to use gadgets if they are having a good time on vacations? The original prompt referred to leisure, not tourism or going on vacation ias growing industry. You misunderstood leisure to mean travel. Leisure is connected to entertainment, not travel. Your prompt restatement is so incorrect, your TA covers a totally different topic, travel, instead of leisure.

Proper restatement:
Entertainment is a progressively increasing field of business as people look for more creative ways to relax. However, staying amused is no longer limited to old school means such as taking up creative hobbies like photography and painting. Innovative new gadgets have caused people to use less of their imagination when entertaining themselves. I agree with this statement due to a couple of personal experiences.

You should have used 2 examples in 2 separate paragraphs to show how technology has limited the creativity of a person. In photography, it is the use of cellphone cameras that did that. Another example paragraph would have been with regards to painting. There are now paint by numbers and scratch painting kits available that no longer require the user to know how to draw or mix colors, thus reducing the need for creativity and the learning of new skills or abilities on the part the person doing the activity. These requirements that reduce creative thinking and activity have made personal entertainment boring.

Your concluding statement is not a reverse paraphrase. You went off and created your own discussion topics, reasons, and conclusions. The essay only partly addressed the task because of the following failures:

- Incorrect prompt restatement
- Incorrect response to the prompt question
- Under developed reasoning paragraphs
- Incorrect concluding summary


Home / Writing Feedback / Leisure is a growing industry