IELTS: leisure time - joblessness people take the highest place in the race

HY all, Please give me advice for my writing. The more you give the more you will get, thanks a lot

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below

The bar chart illustrates how much leisure time enjoyed by men and women in various employment status.

Overall, Joblessness people take the highest place in the race.

Three categories-employed (full-time), unemployed, retired, are dominated by men from the start, while in the two categories-employed (part-time) and housewives, there are no men in the chart. In the men group, Employed takes the lowest amount of hours about 43 hours, then rises significantly in two categories-Unemployment and retired, about 85 hours.

There are five categories for women in having leisure time. As men, Unemployed and retired group for women, take the first place at 79 hours. These groups are followed by Housewives and employed (part-time) at about 58 hours and 43 hours respectively. The last place is taken by employed (full-time) at under 40 hours.

In conclusion, even though women are always in the second rank, they take the much more time to enjoy leisure time are than men. This is because, in the ranks, men only exist in three groups.

Good work, but I think the conclusion is not necessary, otherwise well done! :)

First, where is the chart? We need to have a look at the chart to provide you with more meaningful feed backs. Use the Attach file(s) feature to upload the images. Make sure you upload those diagrams when you open a fresh thread. It is ok to upload this diagram her :)


Well, this task aims at assessing your report writing capabilities. In report writing, you need to be more formal and writing things in a reporting tone. The above sentence is not appropriate for a report.

thank you very much..

Yes, Dumi is right. It is hard to share thoughtful feedback for your IELTS visual writing if the picture of the diagram isn't attached.