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IELTS : Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities


Murko 2 / 3  
Aug 30, 2012   #1
Subject: Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during the leisure time. Discuss both views

There are two schools of thought on whether leisure time should be used in self-improvement or it should be used as a time to rest your mind.

The first set of people who argues that leisure time should be used for leisure, feels that brain need some resting time and leisure time is the time for that. Nothing like an ideal mind to keep you recharged. They feel that they are overloaded with work in their day to day life. If they end up using their leisure time for some learning activities, it will be too taxing on their brain. People go on a short break or a long vacation to give their non-stop brain a resting time. After a good break or a long vacation people come back charged up, ready to work hear till the next break. To work or learn something new during leisure time defects the very purpose of the leisure time.

The other school of thought is 'ideal mind is devils workshop'. When the mind is ideal, random thoughts passes your mind and most of them would be useless ones. Like it or not human brain cannot be kept idea. So that best way to make keep the braining from going to those useless thought is to engage it. During normal working hours, people hardly have time for themselves. There is hardly any time to indulge in some creative thinking and doing something they really love to do. Leisure time is the best time to find ones interest and discover self.

In conclusion, there is nothing wrong in both ways of thinking. If someone feels that keeping the mind for some time is the best thing to do, it's the best thing. On the other hand nothing wrong in engaging ones brain during leisure time.

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I am appearing for IELTS exam next month. I need a band 7 or more. Please have a look at my essay and suggest if anything.

Thank you for your support

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Aug 30, 2012   #2
There are two schools of thought on whether leisure time should be used in self-improvement or it should be used as a time to rest your mind.

this is too short as an introduction. Open it with a motivator and you should first give some general information about the topic and then write the thesis statement.

Leisure time gives an opportunity/chanceis the best time to find one's interest and discover him self/herself .

In conclusion, there is nothing wrong in both ways of thinking. If someone feels that keeping the mind for some time is the best thing to do, it's the best thing. On the other hand nothing wrong in engaging ones brain during leisure time.

In this type of essay you should first restate the thesis statement in the conclusion and then give your opinion in order to show you are in agreement with which viewpoint. Finally write a clincher.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 30, 2012   #3
this is too short as an introduction. Open it with a motivator and you should first give some general information about the topic and then write the thesis statement.

yes ... I'm with Ahmad.... you need to lenghten your introductory para. Also dont forget to state your opinion too.

leisure time should be used for leisurerelaxing , feels that brain need some restingtime and leisure time is the time for that .

Sounds a bit repetitive :D
OP Murko 2 / 3  
Aug 30, 2012   #4
Thanks Ahmad and Duminda for your review. I will remember your feedback when I write my next essay.


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