Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 5


IELTS, LIFE WILL BE BETTER IN THE FUTURE OR NOT



agi 13 / 30  
Mar 5, 2014   #1
Topic: Some say that today's life is better than it will be in the future, others disagree and say that the future life will be better than now. Discuss and include your own opinion.

Some people doubt about whether future life would be improved or not. Some people imagine the future life as like a scenery of movie named "Travel to Future" in which it shows a flying car in the sky. However, other sees the life in the future as a pessimistic view in which people tries escape from natural disaster and moves to Himalayas mountain. In this essay, i will examine a both sides of view and present my personal view on this matter.

On the one hand, there are number of people holding a view that the world would be catastrophic. Due to the fact of a increasing change of climate and high frequency of natural disaster like hurricane, tornado, flood and earthquake, discomfort of living will increase in the next coming centuries. Moreover, as the world population rises, a increasing need of food supply rises among the nations, particularly among developing and third nations. Therefore, rate of famine and hunger increases and level of food safety deteriorates.

On the other hand, much optimism about the future with technological development is hold among people. They anticipate the future life with clean energy, clean electricity and clean environment. The world would be totally green then ever before due to the initiatives of green technologies. Pleasure of life will increase with introduction of new technology into our daily life like travel to outer space and so on.

In the conclusion, i am totally convinced with the view that in coming years, your generation will live in much dangerous condition. Due to a increasing level of various kind of pollution, health concern will arise among them and cost of health will stagger dramatically.

MisterWandering 18 / 314  
Mar 5, 2014   #2
Some people imagine the future life as like a scenery of movie named "Travel to Future" in which it shows a flying car in the sky. However, other sees the life in the future as a pessimistic view in which people tries escape from natural disaster and moves to Himalayas mountain.

I think you should present your ideas more clearly and construct simpler sentences that are more relevant to the topic. Don't make your introduction too complicated with vague sentences.

your generation

Don't use "you" and "your" in your academic writing.

Due to a increasing level of various kind of pollution, health concern will arise among them and cost of health will stagger dramatically.

This is not aligned with your first body paragraph, where you didn't mention anything about pollution.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Mar 6, 2014   #3
Some people doubt about whether future life would be improved or not.

People tend to worry about their future without knowing what will happen in time to come.

Some people imagine the future life as like a scenery of movie named "Travel to Future" in which it shows a flying car in the sky.

I find this is pretty irrelevant to your topic. Now it is the time for you to introduce the background of your issue to the reader;

Some people feel that future life would not be as good as their present life while others tend to have hopes for a brighter future.

Simply paraphrase your prompt.
jon_snow 8 / 28  
Mar 6, 2014   #4
It is not the best way to start your intro by just restating the question. Write something in general at first. In this case, write something about the future. For example, "Future is unpredictable, as we don't know what is waiting for us. However, we always hope for the best."

By the way, this is just a silly example. :P But, my point is write something general. After saying something general then restate the question and your opinion.

in your writing you did not give any example. By providing relevant example, it will increase your word count and you can express your position more clearly.

wish you all the best on your ielts
anselzhang 4 / 4  
Mar 6, 2014   #5
In the conclusion, i am totally convinced with the view that in coming years, your generation will live in much dangerous condition. Due to a increasing level of various kind of pollution, health concern will arise among them and cost of health will stagger dramatically.

i am should be I am
that in coming years, your the comma is useless
to a increasing should be an


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS, LIFE WILL BE BETTER IN THE FUTURE OR NOT
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳