The line chart compares the data of package delivery distributed by two delivery service companies

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - PARCELS DELIVERED BY FedEx and TNT MAIL SERVICES

FedEx vs TNT MAIL SERVICES

The line chart compares the data of package delivery distributed by two delivery service companies between 1920 and 2000. Overall, it is noticeable that both lines experience an upward trend. However, although FedEx was the most popular mail service at first, it was replaced by TNT through the end of the survey.

In the first year, the highest came to FedEx with 15.000 parcels while TNT only a quarter of it. Both companies then experienced a growth in the following twenty years, yet the gap between FedEx and TNT have widened. Conversely, the former plummeted tremendously to approximately 120.000 while the latter saw a slight surge to 80.000 in 1950. Such gap then narrowed down and both figures nearly reached the same level in 1960.

Afterw which, FedEx proportion saw a significant rise over the next 20 years before dipping steadily over the last given period. In contrast, the number of TNT parcels decrease minimally then the figure rocketed dramatically and reached a peak by 24.000 after overtaking the first position from its competitor.

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Ainun, there are some points in your presentation that could have been improved. For example. you should have led your opening statement with the indication of the name of the two companies that you will be comparing. Placing the information at the end of the paragraph leads the reader to wonder what companies you are talking about when you have already given so much relevant information in the earlier part of the statement.

Then, there were points in the graph where the income of the companies overlapped. There should have been a clear discussion or representation of that overlapping point, accompanied by the figures and year indication because that shows a time when the income of the companies were tied for the same spot. These overlaps happened twice and yet you did not clearly indicate it any of your paragraphs.

Never say "In the first year" when an accurate reference to the year is mentioned in the illustration. In order to best inform your reader, all of your data must be factual, and that includes references to years and any other digits. You this throughout your essay by merely indicating "years" instead of comparative years.

Based upon the given considerations and the mistakes in the information presentation, I think that you will not be able to score higher than a 4 in this test.