Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS Writing Task 1 - Line chart about senior citizens aged 65 and above in three countries


minhkhue2705 1 / -  
Jul 28, 2021   #1

aging population proportion in different countries



The given line chart depicts the proportion of senior citizens aged 65 and above in three countries namely the USA, Sweden, and Japan, during a century from 1940 to 2040.

Overall, the percentage of senior citizens of Japan is predicted to be higher than others from the 2030s onwards despite being the lowest throughout the first 80 years. Additionally, all figures experience upward trends, with slight drops in between the examined period in the rate of the USA and Sweden.

More specifically, in the USA, the rate increased mildly during the two first decades at about 10% in 1960. Then, there was an upturned and the figure reached a peak of 15% in 1980. After a slight drop, it is predicted to rise gradually and reach 23% in 2040. The figure was similar in Sweden, at about 7% in the first examined year and continued to increase rapidly, reached peaks at nearly 15% in 1980 and 25% in the mid-2010s. It is expected to be at 25% in 2040. The percentage of senior citizens in Japan showed a downward tendency until it gradually rose in the late 1980s. It continued to grow and is predicted to increase rapidly from 10% in 2030 to about 27% in 2040



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,003 3877  
Jul 29, 2021   #2
The writer has over compressed the summary information. The lengthy, mixed ideas presentation has caused a run-on sentence error. For this test, one idea /subject per sentence will bring clarity and a simple to follow discussion to the reader. The same cannot be said for the current GRA score reducing presentation. A complete paragraph needs at least 3 sentences in the summary. Additionally, the trending statement should be integrated into the summary presentation. The 3 paragraph essay is comprised of :

Paragraph 1: Summary + trending statement
Paragraph 2: Initial Image analysis
Paragraph 3: Final image analysis

The report is incompletely developed. It does not have the proper format and is not evaluated in the expected manner.
Kiu1007 3 / 5  
Aug 4, 2021   #3
I suggest you could try grouping the data not by their trend but by a specific year, such as analyze the three trends before 2030 for the first paragraph and after 2030 there shows a dramatic change. maybe describe the change in the next paragraph.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Line chart about senior citizens aged 65 and above in three countries