IELTS Writing Task 1 - Line Graph (Comparing Upward Trends)

Hi all, i'm new in this forum and i have a problem in IELTS writing tasks and i think this section is the hardest part in an IELTS exam.

This is my Writing task 1 question. i know that this question had been discussed before but the thread was already closed.

and this is my answer..

The line graph compares the proportion of households access to three different electronic appliances and the Internet over a period of 7 years in the UK.

It can be clearly seen that households who had access to electronic gadgets and internet in the UK homes rose steadily over the period shown and CD player accounted for the largest percentage. We can also see that the Internet was not accessible for domestic until 1998/99.

In 1996/97, around 60% of all UK households had CD player and the figures for home computer and mobile phone stood around 27% and 20% respectively. In 1998/99, when the Internet was available in the UK homes, approximately one tenth of the UK homes gained access to it.

By 2002/03, the domestic access to CD player had reached over 80%, mobile phone access had risen to about 70% of the households. At the same time, the availability of access for home computer increased by nearly 20%, whilst for the Internet jumped to by around 28%.

i had a little problem in sentences when i wanted to compare the mobile phone take over the home computer. Does anyone have suggestions? especially for paragraphs and sentences organizations? Many thanks in advance for those who want to help.

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  Problem
  

Here's another one..

Please help..

The line graph compares the percentage of citizens aged 65 and over in three different countries (Japan, Sweden and USA) and how this will change in the future.

Between 1940 and 2010, it is clear that the proportion of population from aged 65 and over increased. In particular, the percentage of seniors in USA and Sweden rose considerably, while in Japan, it remained stable. By 2040, these figures will have risen significantly and Japan will experience the greatest change in comparison with 1940.

In 1940, just under one tenth of all citizens in USA were at the aged 65 and over, while the figures for Sweden and Japan were much lower, at about 7% and 5% respectively. By 2010, elder people in Sweden had increased to around one fifth, seniors in USA had increased by nearly 5%. The percentage in Japan dropped by 1% in 1960 and remained at similar level until late 1980s before had reached at about 7% by 2010.

In 2030s, it is predicted that around one from four population in Japan are at the aged 65 and over and Sweden and USA will have about 20% from the total citizens. By 2040, the proportion of seniors in these three countries will reached at about 25%.

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  question
  

Before the first half of 1998,the own rate of home computer was higher than that of mobile phone. After that time, even though both rates increased steadily, the own rate of mobile phone was higher than that of home computer. In 2002 the own rates of mobie phone and home computer were 70% and 55% inspectively.

I am prepareing Ielts too, let us learn it together ,good luck.