IELTS WRITING TASK 1- LINE GRAPH ILLUSTRATES THE PERCENTAGE OF AUSTRALIAN EXPORTS TO 4 NATIONS

the analysis of Australian exports numbers

I'm very grateful if you repair my mistakes because my normal scores are 4.0 - 4.5 and my score's in this essay . Thanks a lot for your help!

TOPIC: The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

The line graph offers insights into how many percentages was exported to 4 distinct nations namely Japan, US, China and India by Australian in the period of 22 years (from 1990 to 2012).

Mostly strikingly, over the period from 1990 to 2012 while the figures for Japan and US had downward trends, the opposite was true for China and India. In addition, the period from 2000 to 2012 experienced a significant fluctuation in the figures for all.

In 1990, the proportion of US was merely 12%,after a decade, the figure reached the same level as it was 1990, although it had a noticeable decrease in 1995. At that time in 1990, the products of Japan was ranked at the first place, 26%, before declining substantially to 17% in 2000. In the next 12 years, the figure for the former reached the lowest point in whole line graph in 2010, 5%, which was followed by a moderately increase of about 7%. Moreover, the figure for the later was threefold as high as the former was, ultimately.

Between 1990 and 2000, the percentage of imported products in India remained constant, while that for China inclined moderately before surging overtaking Japan as the most common imports about 28% in 2012. The trend of India was an remarkable increase, but this figure made up one - fifth the figure for the fomer, eventually.

• 
  writask11807.png
  

The first paragraph should have been separated into at least 3 sentences. Based on the information provided, the run-on sentence was composed of:

- The image identification
- The countries indicated
- The main country
- The years of coverage

Each of the information listed above should have been presented in individual sentence format, but comprising a full paragraph. The trending statement is unclear as you should have only a single sentence reference for the trending statement. It is not supposed to be composed of multiple sentences since the reference is limited to only the up and down trend of the measurement.

Do not be in a hurry to submit your analysis. Take time to review your work so you can spot correctable errors such as spelling issues and grammar problems. For example, you failed to spot a spelling error (fomer = FORMER), which would have lowered your GRA score in an actual test, but could have been avoided through a simple review on your part.

Review your subject verb agreement lessons. There was an error related to that which you again, could have spotted if you had taken time to edit your work (... the products of Japan was ranked = ... Japan WERE ranked...). Include an indefinite article review (The trend of India was an remarkable = The trend of India was A remarkable).

thank you very much