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IELTS Writing Task 1: Line graph about Internet users as percentage of population in three countries

zxc5532130 1 / -  
Aug 21, 2020   #1
Please help me to correct my essay and give me some feeback about the strucure of my words. I'll be grateful for your support.

numbers of people using Internet from 1999 to 2009

The line graph compares three different countries, including American, Canada and Mexico, in terms of the proportion of people using the Internet from 1999 to 2009.

It is clear that there was a gradually increasing trend in percentages of Internet users among these countries. Besides, Internet usage rates of the population in the USA and Canada were much higher than that in Mexico over a period of 10 years

In 1999, nearly 20% of people in America had access to the Internet, compared to about 10% and 5% in Canada and Mexico respectively. The figures demonstrated much sharper rises in the USA and Canada than that for Mexico. By 2005, the Internet usage in Canada formally overtook the figure for America, at about 70%.

It was not until 2009 that the percentage of people who used Internet surprisingly reached nearly 100% in Canada, the largest point in comparison with the three countries throughout these 10 years. The figure was about 80% in the USA. By contrast, the proportion of people surfing the Internet was only close to 30%.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4799  
Aug 21, 2020   #2
Using the 4 paragraph presentation is not helpful when you do not have enough information to complete a 4 paragraph data analysis presentation. Your summary overview should include the trending statement to help you get the best possible TA score. The TA score is based on the clarity of your summary and a proper presentation of the highs and lows information in the essay. It should be complete enough to inform the reader, even if the reader does not complete reading the whole report presentation.

While a simple mistake such as using the word American in place of USA will probably not seriously affect your overall score, it might make the examiner think twice about your LR abilities. After all, the graph says USA, which could also be called America, but American, refers to the person from America, not the country as indicated in the line graph description.

For a more balanced presentation and, to allow you the opportunity to present your actual GRA skills, balance the paragraph sentence presentations. Use the 3-5 sentence presentation consistently so that you can better develop your simple and complex sentence presentations. Most of your sentences are just run-on sentence. If you use individual sentences for the report and allow yourself to use more punctuation marks within the simple and complex sentence presentations, you should score far better than if you just kept using a comma in every sentence presentation.
manutd9111993 3 / 10 2  
Aug 21, 2020   #3

The introduction described the topic well, except for a minor mistake where you used "American" improperly as stated by Holt.

The overview was not quite correct cause the percentages of Internet users in the USA and Canada increased dramatically.

... formally overtook the figure for America... What does "formally" mean?

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