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The line graph presents how many people have no occupation in two developed countries, US and Japan


Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
Nov 2, 2016   #1
The graph below shows the unemployment rate in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
Write the report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.


The line graph presents how many people have no occupation in two developed countries, the United States and Japan, between 1993 and 1999. Overall, it is immediately apparent that the difference between both figures became much fewer over a 6-year period. It is also noticeable that there was a down trend in unemployment rates in the US whilst Japan saw the reverse.

In March 1993, the number of people without any occupation in the United States was considerably high at 7.0 percent, while the Japanese witnessed more than twice lower than it. However, this trend bore no similarity in the latter period in which these figures became narrower, and they reached an equal point at 5.0 percent eventually.

By 1994, the percentage of unemployed American people had decreased gradually to 6.0, and it continuously flattened out to just over 5.0 in the following two years, before hovering in this point until the latter period. In contrast, the rate in Japan increased slightly from above 3.5 to 4.5 percent in 1996, and then it peaking at 5.0 eventually, showing a 1.5 percent-rise in a half decades.



RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Nov 3, 2016   #2
how many people have no occupation in two developed countries, the United States and Japan, between 1993 and 1999.

overall, this is an adequate paraphrasing of the question, but remember that what you need to write in your introductory sentences are the type of graph shown, the data, the units of measurement and the period of time. Thus, it is better if you directly mention ''the percentage of people who have no occupation'' rather than say ''the number''. You can also write the proportion or the ratio to avoid repetition

However, this trend bore no similarity in the latter period in which these figures became narrower, and they reached an equal point at 5.0 percent eventually.

''no similarity'''is presenting the same/additional information of the statement before, so it is inappropriate to use ''HOWEVER''. I understand that the contradiction is in the end of period, so it may be better to write :

IN ADDITION, THIS TREND BORE NO SIMILARITY IN THE LATTER PERIOD IN WHICH THESE FIGURES BECAME NARROWER; HOWEVER, THEY REACHED AN EQUAL POINT AT 5.0 PERCENT EVENTUALLY

OR
IN ADDITION, THIS TREND BORE NO SIMILARITY IN THE LATTER PERIOD IN WHICH THESE FIGURES BECAME NARROWER ALTHOUGH THEY REACHED AN EQUAL POINT AT 5.0 PERCENT EVENTUALLY

the latter period

mentioned in each body paragraph. repetition. need to try another phrase

Overall, introduction is well-developed with appropriate information selected to be presented as an overview. The grouping is a little bit vague since you talked about the whole period in the first body then talked about a range of period in another. No major errors. Good Job


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