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We now live in 'consumer societies' where money and possessions are given too much import?



sa_228 3 / 2  
Jan 10, 2014   #1
Help me to correct mistakes and analyze ideas. Thank you so much :)

Many people say that we now live in 'consumer societies' where money and possessions are given too much importance. 
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes argue that we now live in materialistic world and that we value money too highly. In my opinion, some people are extremely money oriented, but many of us place more importance on other value.

In fact, it's undeniable that more society develop, the higher money be valued. While our ancestor's demand just is food and accommodation, people's demand nowadays not simple like that, they travelling, relaxing, and shopping to satisfy themselves and they seem can't survive without high technology such as mobile phone and internet therefore they need a huge amount of money to pay for all their demands. This would pushes people into earning money race with desire to create as much money as possible. Most people may willing to damage to the environment, use astute ways to cheat each other or even throw away their self-esteem with their bottomless pit of greed. For examples, Vedan Company in Singapore pours tons of untreated waste into river due to expense to handle the waste is too high. This Vedan Company's irresponsibility leads to environment pollution and affect seriously to the health of citizens living around it.

However, many others realized that money can't make them feel happy and they consider money just like a tool to living, not a purpose of life. Instead of taking on money, they spend more time for caring family or for their passion. They work and devote for the society with their conscience, not for earning money purpose. In fact, there are numerous artists spend whole life to devote to genuine art, teachers convey lessons to their students with enthusiasm or doctors cure patients with warm heart.

In conclusion, money is an important factor but not is the most priority thing in one's life. People should use money wisely as a useful tool for meaningful life with precise things such as good health, sincere feelings and true passion.

Pahan 1 / 1824  
Jan 14, 2014   #2
In fact, it's undeniable that more society develop, the higher money be valued.

In act, it is undeniable that the more the society be developed, higher the money be valued.

While our ancestor's demand just is food and accommodation, people's demand nowadays not simple like that, they travelling, relaxing, and shopping to satisfy themselves and they seem can't survive without high technology such as mobile phone and internet therefore they need a huge amount of money to pay for all their demands.

This sentence is very confusing. There are some grammar issues too. Avoid writing too long sentences. Keep one idea per sentence. I feel you should rewrite this one again.

In fact, it's undeniable that more society develop,...

This body paragraph looks too long. Have one reason per body paragraph to justify your opinion and then support it with a specific example.


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