Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


Local People Have Less Interest to Museum ___ IELTS Task 2



ANSOR99 10 / 6  
Apr 8, 2016   #1
TASK 2.
Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people.
Why is this?
What can be done to encourage local people to visit museums and historical sites?

Answer:


History is a moment for reminding people about the important things that happen in the past. Nowadays, the way to keep the history is by constructing the museum and protecting the historical sites. But , there is problem that these places are scarcely visited by the domestic tourists, while the foreign visitors firmly feel enthusiastic to visit and the figures of them increase significantly for every year. For this case, i strongly believe that there are some reasons why local people lack of interest to come in the historical places because of the lack of appreciation and perception, and then some methods can be taken to convince the regional tourists to visit.

Going to the museum and historical building is not interesting activity for domestic visitors, but it is the reverse for People from abroad. Firstly, international tourists reckon that museum and historic sites have provided the culture of life from people who live in days of yore, so as they appreciate it by visiting and learning it from the museum or exhibition or places. In contrast, for local dwellers, it had been common culture that happened in daily and they feel nothing special. Secondly, foreign travellers consider that history is the valuable knowledge to be comprehended in order to make life in the future to be better, while native people think that story in the past is not essential to understand by coming to the museum or other historical buildings because it has been done enough to learn it in school.

However, there are some steps to attrack the local people to visit the museum. Firstly, the museum the official of the historical places should give special offers such as discount or even free ticket entrence for all domectic tourists. This way will be more effective to persuade them to come frequently. Secondly, there are attractive events to draw attention of local people that the museum can hold such as talkshow,historical book fair, writing competition, and many more. By doing those shows, definitely the museum will be more crowded and popular for local dwellers.

In conclusion, between local people and foreign tourists have different appreciation and perception of visiting to museums and historical sites. Then, there are some ways to make local people interest to come such as promoting special price and organizing events.

ichanpants89 16 / 742  
Apr 19, 2016   #2
Ansor, I think you need a lot of works to do to revise your essay for the sake of your improvement. This is because you accidentally have poor grammatical controls, especially when it comes to composing complex sentences. Those complex sentences were so confusing, it distracted my concentration. Remember, examiner is not a mind-reader. You have to bear in mind that you have to make your sentence as clear as possible in order to attain a good score from the examiner. My suggestion for you is that, if you are not really aware still about composing complex sentences, try to write the simpler one, or compound sentences. It will strongly affect your development in writing. If you are able to compose a lot of perfect simple sentences in an essay, this will help you to gain a good score for at least 6.0 for grammatical range and accuracy part. Now, for a breakdown of grammatical errors, with corrections applied.

- However,But , there is a problem
- ...to visit and the figures of them increase significantly for every year. (avoid making a confusing sentence like this, remember that coordinating conjunction 'and' should related to the same idea or equal)

- ...case, iI strongly believe...
- in thesome historical places...
- , and then some methods can be taken to convince the regional tourists to visit. (hung sentence, missing object, which makes it incomplete. I think it is better you compose a new sentence for this one)

- ...tourists reckonthink that... (reckon is only for speaking, not for an academic writing, it is an informal word)
- museum or exhibition or places (redundancy, the position of two coordinating conjunctions were too close)

Spelling errors:
- attrack = attract
- entrence = entrance
- domectic = domestic

I hope you follow through my feedback for your future enhancement later on. Good Luck! :)


Home / Writing Feedback / Local People Have Less Interest to Museum ___ IELTS Task 2
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳