Luck is nessesary aspect to achive a dream goal

Whether or not someone achieve their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

the weight of luck

Luck is indeed a crucial companion for each step to success in our life. However, there is a common belief that someone's achievements result mostly from the factor of luck. I completely disagree with this idea for a number of reasons.

Firstly, in my opinion, true competence rather than luck is absolutely the main element leading to successful achievements. To acquire this, people have to study and work constantly with determination to equip themselves with essential skills as well as valuable knowledge. The modern world is increasingly demanding in every aspect of life, so people without competence are less likely to reach their goals easily. Nurturing and studying environment also plays a critical role in the ability to succeed of people, especially children. This is because family and school, where children grow and develop, exert noticeable impacts on them mentally and physically. Thus, whether young people may achieve the aims or not is not only a question of luck but also competence as well as developing environment.

It is true that luck can contribute to one's achievement. However, these achievements are usually short-term ones, whereas long-run accomplishments are indeed what illustrate success. Moreover, many unlucky people who was born disabled still became prosperous and gained popularity in life. An excellent example for this is the case of Nick Vujicic who is with the absence of arms and legs became a famous motivational speaker travelling around the world to inspire people.

In conclusion, I think the role of luck in achieving goals is exaggerated, while there are various more significant factors to consider like true competence and environment.

Thank you for reading my essay, please give me some comments and the score for this. ^^

In your introduction, I sense a contradiction. You say luck is "crucial", but then you say that you completely disagree that luck is a major factor. I think maybe using a less forceful word than "crucial" would be better.

The rest of your essay sounds pretty good to me. I think your format was effective - the first body paragraph showing the importance of other factors and your second body paragraph showing that bad luck can be overcome.

I guess a problem is that being born in a good family and going to good schools is in itself a form of luck, so perhaps modifying that part of the first body paragraph might be necessary.

Here are a few specific suggestions:

"studying environment" sounds odd to me - I guess you mean their school or educational resources?

"developing environment" also sounds a little unnatural maybe "environment in which they develop"

"many unlucky people who were born"

case of Nick Vujicic who despite the absence of arms and legs, still became a famous motivational speaker

Nguyen, this is an extent essay and as such, it is normally discussed coming from only one point of view. However, your overall essay opts to discuss both points of view to a certain extent. So, while your discussion was not in error, your opening paraphrase was presented in the wrong manner. In order to be allowed to discuss both points of view in an extent essay, your prompt must be something similar to the following:

Some people believe that luck does not play a role when it comes to a person achieving his objectives in life. Others believe that luck is is the only factor that determines whether a person achieves his dreams or not. I tend to partially agree with these statements for a number of reasons.

When you use the term "partially" that gives you the opportunity to address both sides of the discussion while also providing an "extent" response. Now, since this essay is only to be told from your point of view, there is no reason for you to state "in my opinion" as that is already a given in the discussion format.

I would not advice you to use numerical referencing in your paragraphs (firstly, secondly) if you are not going to use it consistently throughout the essay. You create a referencing problem because the numbers are supposed to help you differentiate between paragraphs. If you use it only once, the reader will easily get confused and find himself struggling to suddenly separate the discussions you presented.

Your concluding sentence counters the requirements for a complete paragraph presentation. Don't use one long sentence because you are trying to present short but complex LR and GRA skills. It is always advisable to present at least 3 sentences per paragraph in order to meet that requirement. You have an opportunity to show off your English skills in a more admirable manner when you present your discussion in that method.