Hi to all, this is my first time posting on this site. Do let me know what you think and please advise if I posted this wrongly. Thank you again and looking forward to all your feedbacks.
Students are trained how to pass exams
In schools, teachers have to ensure that students pass or do well in their exams, as the results are representations of the student's understanding or I dare say their memory of the subject. But is the main role of the school for students to pass their exams ? In this essay, I argue that it is not.
School is a place for students where they can learn different subjects, participate in co-curricular activities (CCAs), socialise and learn on how to become good citizens of society. Passing exams is just one criteria in order for students to move up to the next level. School is also a safe place for parents to drop off their children so that they can do their own work or chores while knowing their child is in safe hands. Schools offer many CCAs where students can socialise and perhaps find a talent or a passion they never thought that had
There have been cases where there are certain students who did poorly in their exams but later in life, they did exceptionally well for themselves. They are labelled as 'late-bloomers', and I myself am a late bloomer. Since young, I always had a passion for Information Technology, but my primary and secondary school never offered any subjects related to coding. I did badly for my PSLE and 'O' Levels exams, and I barely got into the course of my choice in a polytechnic. I was given many opportunities that has helped me further pursue my passion. And aside from doing well in my exams, I did well in many other activities such as in competitions, CCAs and presentations. I was even thus, awarded the honour of being valedictorian for my school.
Passing exams shouldn't solely be the main role for schools. Passing a subject simply indicates to the teacher, the student's level of understanding of the topic. Schools are beyond just exams, it is a safe haven for students to grow holistically and nature themselves, hence enabling them to be better prepared for the future that lies ahead.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 I am not sure what the full discussion topic is and what comparison points were provided, if any. Was this written for an IELTS test or a simple English exercise? Please be specific next time and provide the complete prompt for my reference. I would highly appreciate it.
If this was written for a task 2 essay, then you went over the advised word count. Try to keep your work within 275-290 words as you require time to review, edit, and finalize the content. That said, your opening paraphrase is short by 1 sentence count to meet the minimum. You should have cut the second sentence into 2 parts to avoid the current run-on sentence presentation. By the way, it is best not to post questions in your paraphrase. In this presentation, it feels like you just cut and paste the original question into the paragraph. It is better to pose the question as a discussion topic so that you avoid the possibility of incomplete paraphrasing altogether.
The discussion paragraphs are good, but with errors. Additionally, you could have used transition sentences at the end of each paragraph to create a smoother transition from one topic to the next. The presentation tries to be sleek and smooth and fails due to several grammatical errors. I'll show you some of the points for correction that I caught. That said, your presentation is somewhat acceptable.
Grammar:
Passing exams is just one criteria (criterion). You used the plural for exam so you should have used the plural form of criteria as well. The rule is singular = singular, plural = plural. Be consistent.
The essay needs to feel more natural in presentation. So avoid using complicated words where simple words would suffice:
... simply indicates... = simply shows
... safe haven for students = haven for students
... teachers have to ensure = teachers must ensure
... in order for students = for students ...
... I myself (redundancy) = I
Avoid contractions in academic writing. Always spell out the words:
shouldn't = should not
Use more appropriate adjectives:
Passing exams shouldn't be the main role... = key role
I would have given more comments about the content but you did not give me the complete writing instructions so I cannot really give any accurate observations about that part of your work. Maybe next time? Just provide the complete writing instructions please.
