TOEFL: Make decision by myself or by parents.

In the past young people depended on their parents for making decisions. Today, young people are better able to make decisions on their own. Which do you prefer?

In my opinion, I prefer to young people make decision by themselves. Some people disagree with my opinion, because their parents give them good advices. Then, they can decide their decisions easily. However, to make decisions by our selves is important to our life. I will explain my choice some specific examples as follows.

First, it is because my parents do not have good opinions. Actually, I want to be a professional dancer. However, my parents are not dancers. They have no dance knowledge. Although they encourage my dance practice, they can not teach me. If I depend on their opinion, my dance skill will not grow up, as they are not professional. I always trust my decisions, because it is good ways to improve my dance ability efficiently. Even if I have some mistake while I am practicing dance, I can learn many things through to have mistake. Finally, to make decisions on my own is a good way to grow up my personality and characters more.

Second, it is because I can not have fun if I depend on my parents. For example, I could not have a good time, when I went to Disneyland with my parents. I really like the rides, but my parents do not. I have never gone to Disneyland before, then my parents made a plan for me. Unfortunately, they planned to watch some shows and go some rides which for young children. I wanted to enjoy other activities, but they did not have the same stamina and tastes. So that, I did not have fun. On the other hand, when I went there again with my friends, I prepared everything and had great memories. Accordingly, it is better to make decisions by myself rather than by tour parents, because we have age difference.

Therefore, those are why I think that young people are better able to make decisions on their own.

Yuu, I have some comments that I hope will help you create a more serious and stronger TOEFL essay.

- Prior to presenting your opinion in the essay, you need to create the foundation for the discussion through the introduction. Just restate the prompt, offer the two sides that you will be considering on the issue, then present your point of view. Those are the guidelines for writing an effective introduction

For your first body, you can explain why some children prefer to seek their parents advice before making a decision. Then ease us into your point of view by introducing some wrong decisions that your parents made for you which will then transition the reader into your stand against allowing your parents to make decisions for you.

- This is a weak reason for not seeking your parents advice when making decisions or allowing them to make decisions for you. Rather than telling a personal story about conflict with your parents, you should talk about character and independence building instead. Those are human responsibility progressions that cannot be built if the parents constantly make decisions for their children.

- Do you really want the reader to see you as a brat? That is how you are coming across with your discussion topics. You are not presenting solid and logical arguments with supporting evidence at this point. This particular statement sounds more like a temper tantrum than a reason to trust that you can properly make decisions for yourself based upon logical reasons. Don't use this paragraph. Change it totally.

Remember to revise the essay under time constraint as well so that you can practice writing and revising in a TOEFL similar environment.

Thank you for your advice. It help me to improve English a lot.