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What makes me happy? Ted x talk



mahmoudjendy 7 / 14  
Dec 31, 2012   #1
what do u think ?

What make me happy? I became happy when i saw an ted x talk for one did something creative and innovative in his life when. I became happy when i set with someone enlightened and we exchange ideas as the quote said if i have an apple and u have an apple each one will have an apple. But if i have an idea and u have an idea each one will have two ideas. I became happy when i saw an interesting soccer match specially when my favorite team. I became happy when i read a book that touched something inside me.i became happy when i play a soccer match with my friends. I became happy when eat i my favorite food. I became happy when i watch an interesting movie. But i became more happier when i help someone to do something he can not do without a help. When i make a roof for someone's poor or give him a blanket to worm himself in the cold winter. or connect a clean water to his home

ChelseaSmart13 3 / 10  
Dec 31, 2012   #2
What makes me happy?

Change singular "i"s to "I"

You are obviously trying to use repetition but your "happy"s are much to frequent. Thesaurus com might be helpful.

Also watch your tenses. For example "I became happy when I ate ..."

I think you also might want to focus and develop your feelings on one singular thing, instead of touching upon multiple things.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jan 7, 2013   #3
I became happy when i set with someone enlightened and we exchange ideas as the quote said if i have an apple and u have an apple each one will have an apple.

This is pretty confusing to me. If you are refering to a quote better have it in inverted commas. Anyways.... I strongly suggest you ot re-phrase this line. :)

I became happy when i saw an interesting soccer match specially when my favorite team.

I was happy when I saw my favorite soccer team was playing and especially when they were winning the game.


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