Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Making overseas visitors pay higher prices is not ideal solution

yucacherry 1 / -  
Apr 18, 2020   #1

should foreign visitors pay more than locals for cultural and historical attractions?

Thesesday, everyone is drawn into work so much that it is essential to have vacation. It is argued that foreign travellers should spend more money than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. I totally disagree with this statesment.

First and foremost, paying higher price may make visitors feel unfair and create bad image of the host country. Overseas travellers have to spend money on a wide range of services, including food, accomdation, and souvenirs; therefore, they will find it is partial to pay higher price. As a result, the host country may be considered as inhospitable and unwelcoming.

Secondly, if foreign tourists realize that they have to pay more for cultural and historical attractions in a particular nation, they will decide not to travel that country. Thus, the investing money in travelling services of that country cannot be refunded. Consequently, that nation's income will dramatically decrease, which has negative effects on the economy. Additionally, the host country also has lower chances to advertise its customs, scenery, and people. As few tourists come to visit, other countries do not have any information about that nation. Hence, it will decrease the oppoturnities to cooperate with continental countries.

All in all, making overseas tourists pay higher price is not ideal. Therefore, it is better to balance the attractions' price between foreign visitors and local ones.

arumdalu 2 / 3  
Apr 19, 2020   #2
Despite of the coherence of the answer. I want to mention some points
1. Avoid typos as you will lose marks
2. Use proper formal words, such as 'firstly' instead of 'first and foremost' and 'finally' or 'to sum up' instead of 'All in all'
3. It will be better that you use 'completely disagree' rather than 'totally disagree'.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,582 2488  
Apr 19, 2020   #3
There is a very big problem with this essay that you missed. This is a task 2 essay. You have 40 minutes to write it. There is a word minimum count of 250 words. When you do not write 250 words, you will find that the examiner will deduct points from your task accuracy score. There is a corresponding score percentage deducted for the missing word count. The deductions in this section are often enough to prevent a student from reaching a 5 band score.

Now having reviewed the content of your essay, I have to say, you were on the right track with your reasoning presentation. However, the clarity and coherence of your essay was affected in the third paragraph. That is because you put in a series of throw away sentences in the first half, instead of focusing on the second part which actually tied in with the previous discussion in a very strong manner. A better presentation would have been:

As a result, the host country may be considered as inhospitable and unwelcoming.

Consequently, that nation's income will dramatically decrease...cooperate with continental countries.

Do you see how the paragraph would have flowed smoothly from one discussion to the next related discussion? It would have been so smooth and clear in a topic for discussion sort of way that could have boosted your C&C score. Since the first reasoning paragraph spoke of the economics of visiting the attractions, the effect on the national economy would have made sense as a follow up discussion reason.

You have several spelling errors in the essay which will definitely pull down your LR and GRA score:

Theseday = These days
statesment - statement
accomdation = accommodation
oppoturnities = opportunities

You are also lacking a proper concluding paraphrase, that should have at least 3 sentences presented in it also. I think that is the reason why you did not meet the minimum word count. You did not thoroughly discuss the essay in a manner that would have allowed you to write at least 250 words. I have not even considered the GRA errors in this instance but you should already see why your essay will not meet a 5 band score.

Home / Writing Feedback / Making overseas visitors pay higher prices is not ideal solution