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IELTS ESSAY:Manual jobs are being done by sophisticated machines, good trend?

Johnny0203 1 / -  
May 9, 2014   #1
In recent years, the development of mechanization has significantly changed people's working lives. From my personal view, this change is the main driving force for economic growth and the improvement of product quality, although it has led to an increasing unemployment rate.

Firstly, the broad use of machineries can help improve the economic conditions. These labor-saving devices allow business organizations to create more value with less production time and cost, thereby boosting the efficiency. As a consequence, the machine-dependent companies are able to acquire considerable profits than before, which can substantially contribute to the economic growth. This is a particular case for traditional manufacturing industries which rely heavily on labor force.

Besides that, the advancement of mechanization is also beneficial to the quality of industrial products. Machineries typically perform the manufacturing process with less variability than human workers, resulting in greater control and consistency of production. Therefore, the product quality can be well-ensured under this highly standardized process.

However, a number of traditional labor workers have gradually lost their position in workplaces due to the strong capacity of machineries. Companies who intend to obtain long-term profit are most likely to use automatic machines for production or management rather than humans, because this can save employers' budget on salaries. Therefore, low-skilled employees will be laid off in these fast-growing firms.

To sum up, the mechanization has distinct function to stimulate the development of economy and promote the product quality, although some labor workers have lost their job during the progress of mechanization.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
May 9, 2014   #2
First, I have admin request - Open all your IELTS essay threads in Writing Feedback forum which is the most appropriate forum for IELTS essays. This thread was transferred from Essays to Writing Feedback. Also, include your essay prompt in the essay so that we know exactly what it expects from you and we can accordingly align our feedbacks to provide you with more meaningful insights about handling this task.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
May 9, 2014   #3
.... :)
You display excellent writing skills :) Good grammar, excellent vocabulary, good ideas and presentation etc. However, I feel you better pay a little more attention to the approach as this task is time bound and you need to complete your essay on time with all essential features that help you gather a good score.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
May 10, 2014   #4
5 or 4 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 40 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D

With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

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