IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - MAPS (roads to the city hospital)

changes observed in the period of three years

Please evaluate my writing and give it a band score if possible. I'm aiming for band 8.0. Thank you in advance!

The maps illustrate how the road leading to the city hospital changed after a 3-year period from 2007 to 2010.

Overall, it can be observed from the maps that after only 3 years, the city hospital became more approachable than it was in the past since more facilitators including a bus station, two roundabouts and separate car parks were placed there. The Ring Road circling the hospital was the only infrastructure that remained unchanged over the investigated period.

In 2007, citizens who commuted to the hospital by public means of transport could use six different bus stops standing along the Hospital Road which led straight to the hospital. Meanwhile, people travelling by private vehicles could make use of the car park on the East side of the Hospital Road.

After 3 years, two roundabouts were constructed to connect the City Road, the Hospital Road and the Ring Road. The old bus stops were relocated to the West side of the Hospital Road and can be accessed via both roundabouts. In addition, instead of parking at a same site with other citizens, hospital laborers had their own parking lot, which took place on the right side of the Ring Road and right next to the hospital, while others still took advantage of the old one.

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Sadly, you are aiming too high with your scoring ambition. Your work is only good for a 4 because you are not accurately describing the contents of the illustrative diagram. You are incorrectly using terms, inaccurately describing positions, and not really focusing on proper descriptions for the two maps.

For starters, these are not just maps. These are two illustrative maps. Be clear about the number of comparison images there are. There are no "facilitators" in the map. A facilitator is defined as; a person or persons who are responsible for leading or coordinating the work of a group, as one who leads a group discussion. Deduct a point for incorrect vocabulary usage under the LR score.

In 2007, you claim that there are 6 bus stops, there are no bus stops available as per the map. Only parking areas exist at that time for the public and employee use. Therefore, there is no old bus stop to be relocated in the new presentation. Rather, a bus stop was finally added and the parking slots for public and employee use were separated.

You have improperly analyzed the map from beginning to end. You also have other errors in this essay which will result in a low score. You are nowhere near ready for an 8 score at this point. Aim lower. Go for a 5 first. Then work your way up from there. The errors I presented here are the ones that will have a direct impact on your final score.

You have also written too many words for a Task 1 essay. The aim is to write between 175-190 words only. You are being overly descriptive, which is why you made serious errors in the presentation. You will not be able to write 214 words within a 20 minute essay where you need to double check for reporting accuracy, proper word usage, sentence errors, and other content issues. You should be writing less but describing more. There should only be 3 paragraphs in this presentation, not 4. A 4 paragraph essay indicates a task 2 response. You are not writing an opinion essay, just a direct reporting paper. You do not need 200 plus words to do that.

@Holt
Thank you so much for your feedback, i really appreciate it. However, there's one thing that i want to correct: in 2007, there are bus stops but supposedly you can't see it well due to the low quality of the image.

I totally agree with your other comments. I will try harder to reach my goal. Again, thank you, your feedback means so much to me